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Hey Chaz! You're not pathetic, maybe just a bit shy with the gals. You may wish to consider creating some strategies for when that sort of opportunity arises again.

When I was in high school, I used to think I was so smooth because I always had a plan to get a SECOND date. I used to find the first one to be pretty easy because I'd either get set up or I would just ask (knowing that the probability was pretty good that I'd either get a yes or a no...often time the yes would come because it's hard for girls to outright reject a guy who has asked them out--hence the second date challenge). In all honesty, most of the first dates were set ups. Anyway.....

I think you could extrapolate my Second Date Contingency Planning to First Date Strategic Planning. Here's how I would do it (now, remember, I was like 16 at the time). I once took a girl to a baseball game. I knew that once the game was over, it would be late enough that we probably wouldn't have time to do anything else prior to curfew. Therefore, I engaged her in a little friendly bet by finding out which team she thought would win. Once I knew that I would say something like "I think you're wrong and I'm so sure that you're team won't win, I'm willing to wager dinner at Wendy's on it." She agreed and now I've got my SECOND date. No matter the outcome of the game, I get to go out with her again to Wendy's for dinner! (Remember, I was only 16).

Could you have done something like that with the girl you liked? Could you have asked her a question about her talk--something you wanted to learn more about? Could you have then explained to her that you're a student of success and that in you're spare time you're writing a book about success or that you write a blog about success, etc. and then asked her if she would be willing to serve as an interview subject for your project? You could then explain that you'd be happy to buy her dinner (First Date...although admittedly camouflaged) if you could just have a chance to sit down and ask her some questions?

Just some of my ideas. BTW, I'm so glad I don't have to date anymore and after reading this, some of you might agree that it's best for all humankind that I don't date anymore! :D

damn Randy, you're a sneaky devil! :lildevil:


Here's what came to my mind when reading your post Chaz:

I suggest taking away your expectation of reciprication. Have you ever said hello to someone on the street, and they didn't aknowledge you? If so, did you think, "What a jerk." or something similar? This is a kind of rejection that doesn't feel good. What I learned long ago was to take away my expectation of a return greeting. To do this I first had to examine why I was saying hello in the first place. Was I saying "Hello" to be nice and make someone feel better, or did my "Hello" come with the expectation (or price) of a return "Hello"?
Today when I see someone and want to smile at them and say hello, I do so because I want them to feel good. My intention is selfless and without strings. If they don't say hello back to me, that's okay because I don't expect them to / they don't have to return the kindness. My smile and greeting is a gift.

In the case of your lovely facilitator, you said you chickened out because you were afraid to be rejected. And here's my point. You only risk being rejected if your attention is not given freely as a gift. So instead of complimenting her presentation because you want to score a date, you compliment her because you want her to feel good - plain and simple - no strings attached.

Good luck with your flirting!:thumb:

If you want to have a relationship with a woman, you do need to be proactive about it. Here are some rules:

1) Always Intiate. Remember, it's the man's job to intiate with women. Women expect you to do it. Very rarely will a woman walk up to a guy, start a conversation with him, and ask him for his phone number. Oh, it does happen, but very rarely!! You can't rely on it. Women are programmed for you to "chase" them. If you go about it the right way, a woman enjoys being "chased". she likes the thrill of knowing that you want her and you find her attractive.

2) Flirt. Essentially, flirting is making her laugh. Make her laugh. This is important. But make sure that when you get her to laugh, you aren't being the brunt of your jokes(always be confident), and no off colored or sexual jokes or jokes to do with violence.

3) Be cool. Be relaxed. I know that Hollywood shows women falling in love with the bumbling shy idiot. What can I tell you, except that's Hollywood. Women want their guys to be confident. to have it together.

4) Show your romantic interest right away. Women put guys in two camps: a friend or a romantic interest. If you get yourself in the "friend" camp, you're going to have a hell of time getting out of it. It's better to show your romantic interest right away. Do you risk getting rejected? Yes, of course. But that's all part of the dating game!!

5) Don't be her therapist. If you get her talking about all her problems, and you think that's going to make her fall in love with you, get rid of that thought.

Remember, the goal is to get her to have romantic thoughts and feeling about you. Always keep that outcome in mind.

Hey Chaz,

I highly recommend www.doubleyourdating.com for advice on this kind of thing, it's great.

Seriously!

Sign up for the free newsletter.

I believe that in order to achieve a goal, it is very helpful to solicit the feedback of friends and even strangers. I am inspired by Coach's smoke free thread that lead him in his achieving a smoke free life. With that I will be setting my personal goal, and that is to be a positive flirt by December 30, 2006. I hope I get some help from you guys.

I am talking about positive and harmless flirting wherein you open up the line of communication between you and a stranger... making that stranger feel comfortable and wanted. It's the first step in creating friendship or meeting your lifetime partner.

It may sound funny or ridiculous but the following are my reasons.
1. Last September, I just turned 29... I'm not getting younger... I want to find my betterhalf before I turn 30.
2. I believe that looking for that special someone is really a number game.... the greater number of people you meet the greater chances of finding her.

One of the obstacles I have is that I find it hard to talk to or say hi to a woman I find attractive.

I can facilitate a meeting, I can present a report, a speech but when it comes to simply smiling and saying hi to an attractive woman… I simply shy away.

Yesterday I attended a facilitated training… the facilitator was about my age and she was witty, funny and attractive most of all I noticed she is not wearing a wedding ring. After the training, I went to the c.r. washed my face, brushed my teeth… it took me a while so everyone of my colleagues were gone. I went out and took the elevator down and there she was… our facilitator. We are the only one in the elevator… what did I do? I just pretend I did not noticed her… then a couple of people went in… then we got out of the building… I turned and say hi… she said hi and take care (with that beautiful smile)… I was speechless… we continued walking and we went on our separate path….

I went in a corner of the building and sort my thoughts… what the heck did you do Chaz!!! You just let that perfect timing passed by! Why did you not took the time to talk to her? Compliment her… the way she made the training fun and lively… the way she smile that made you awake throughout that 8 hours training! Why did you not asked her how she keeps her enthusiasm at high level all through out the training? Why did you not asked her number just in case you have a question and/or she happens to be in the same location and want to have some lunch or dinner with you…. Chazper!!!!????

Baby steps:
1. I must overcome the fear of rejection by saying hi and make a sincere compliment and ask that stranger’s name. My goal is not to have a positive reply…. My goal is to have a negative reply. I will ask a friend’s help and make a game out of it. I’ll bet 1000 pesos If I don’t get rejected by 10 people, my friend will get the 1000 pesos. He agreed, but the last time my friend and I met, he asked to do our little project but I just laughed and I said I was just joking… what the heck is wrong with me? :banghead:

Suggestions???????


Chaz, here's some tips:

1) Starting tomorrow, say "hi" to five women a day. These must be women you don't know. Women you pass on the street, in the grocery store, whatever. Just smile and say "hi" to them. That's it. Don't try to carry on a conversation or anything. Just smile and say "hi" to five differant women a day, women you don't know. Some women will glare at you, some will quickly turn away from you, some will smile back and say "hi". What this will do is, eventually, the shyness of talking to women will start to fade and then eventually go away for good. Just try it for 21 days.

2) You may not like this one, but when you build up the event of talking to women in your mind to be so serious, it will backfire. So, not to turn you into a player, but start romancing more than one woman at a time. That way you won't be so tense about making it work. If it doesn't work out with one woman, who cares? You're romancing three more. Until you find that someone that you want to get serious with, always romance more than one woman at a time (but try not to let them know about it, of course. :bouncy: )

Hope this helps.

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I believe that in order to achieve a goal, it is very helpful to solicit the feedback of friends and even strangers. I am inspired by Coach's smoke free thread that lead him in his achieving a smoke free life. With that I will be setting my personal goal, and that is to be a positive flirt by December 30, 2006. I hope I get some help from you guys.

I am talking about positive and harmless flirting wherein you open up the line of communication between you and a stranger... making that stranger feel comfortable and wanted. It's the first step in creating friendship or meeting your lifetime partner.

It may sound funny or ridiculous but the following are my reasons.
1. Last September, I just turned 29... I'm not getting younger... I want to find my betterhalf before I turn 30.2. I believe that looking for that special someone is really a number game.... the greater number of people you meet the greater chances of finding her.

One of the obstacles I have is that I find it hard to talk to or say hi to a woman I find attractive.

I can facilitate a meeting, I can present a report, a speech but when it comes to simply smiling and saying hi to an attractive woman… I simply shy away.

Yesterday I attended a facilitated training… the facilitator was about my age and she was witty, funny and attractive most of all I noticed she is not wearing a wedding ring. After the training, I went to the c.r. washed my face, brushed my teeth… it took me a while so everyone of my colleagues were gone. I went out and took the elevator down and there she was… our facilitator. We are the only one in the elevator… what did I do? I just pretend I did not noticed her… then a couple of people went in… then we got out of the building… I turned and say hi… she said hi and take care (with that beautiful smile)… I was speechless… we continued walking and we went on our separate path….

I went in a corner of the building and sort my thoughts… what the heck did you do Chaz!!! You just let that perfect timing passed by! Why did you not took the time to talk to her? Compliment her… the way she made the training fun and lively… the way she smile that made you awake throughout that 8 hours training! Why did you not asked her how she keeps her enthusiasm at high level all through out the training? Why did you not asked her number just in case you have a question and/or she happens to be in the same location and want to have some lunch or dinner with you…. Chazper!!!!????

Baby steps:
1. I must overcome the fear of rejection by saying hi and make a sincere compliment and ask that stranger’s name. My goal is not to have a positive reply…. My goal is to have a negative reply. I will ask a friend’s help and make a game out of it. I’ll bet 1000 pesos If I don’t get rejected by 10 people, my friend will get the 1000 pesos. He agreed, but the last time my friend and I met, he asked to do our little project but I just laughed and I said I was just joking… what the heck is wrong with me? :banghead:

Suggestions???????

Chazper, don't put any pressure on yourself about this, especially with feeling you have to find someone by the age of 30. Faith is a big factor in this type of thing, and I truly believe you will find someone if you take the "HAVE TO" factor out of the formula. I have always met the right people for me when I was least expecting it, or wanting it. Relax and detach, and it will happen.

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I would suggest that you practice on women that you are not necessarily repulsed by but not particularly attracted to either. Then the heartpounding attraction factor will be minimized and not interfere with honing your skills.

Just subtle confidence builders. Coffee shops, bus stops, hold a door like a gentleman and compliment her nicely as she passes. Elevators. In line at a store or movie or grocery. Pretty soon you will feel complete natural even if she is attractive and making your heart pound. ;)

Jennifer

Is there a fitness club you could join. Sign up for some aerobics classes or something. Put yourself in social situations where you are around a lot of women. I think hanging around as many women as possible could help you relax enough to talk to a woman in a cool and self-confident manner.

just another thought for you to consider...

Hey Chaz,

I highly recommend www.doubleyourdating.com for advice on this kind of thing, it's great.

Seriously!

Sign up for the free newsletter.

Chaz, i strongly recommend you take Jamie's advice!
I've read that book, and it gave me an excellent lot of perspective. Man, honestly, do yourself a favour and buy it! (http://affiliate.doubleyourdating.com/dt.asp?a=CD939&b=202&o=)

Here's a suggestion that I know has worked for several people.

Sit down and write out a full 2 or 3 pages of detailed description of your perfect mate. What she looks like, what she sounds like, what she smells like (if you are into perfume.) Describe her hair and skin in detail, what she likes to wear, her eyes, mouth, lips, nose. Get very detailed.

Then start describing her attitude to various things that are important to you, how she will act when she finds out about these things. What things does she like, what are her pastimes and interests. What books does she read, what TV programs and movies does she like, what kind of humor.

Ask this imaginary woman her opinions about certain subjects and write down her imaginary answers.

Keep writing until you have filled at least two pages and well into a third. Read it, correct it, change it, as much as you wish until you feel you have 'found' the 'perfect' woman.

Then put it away somewhere safe. You will not need to refer to it again until you have found her. When you have found 'the one' you will be amazed at how close she comes to your ideal.

Not that you will now only look for women that meet those criteria, but your subconscous mind will now know what to look for and will do the work without your conscious mind getting in the way.


Of course, keep up with the 21-day challenge of smiling and saying 'Hi!" to 5 women a day.

So how's this going for you chazper?

Hi chazper

I'd second Spider's advice - I know a couple of people who have done this and it is amazingly effective AND accurate!!!

I hope everything is going well for you - I am exactly the same! Literally, the only girls who I would end up going out with would be the ones who would get fed up waiting and end up approaching me!

Thankfully I have found my soulmate - but if she hadn't come along then I would be in your exact situation.

When you mentioned that you checked for a wedding ring that made me crack up - it is a sign that we're getting older! Mates of mine always refer to whether people have a ring on their finger or not these days! Wasn't a concern five years ago!

Good luck bud - and let us know how you are getting on with the challenge.

Ross

Eh you guys are SO funny! I mean Whatever!

Gawd, don't you know that to flirt successfully, one must first harness the power of the God or Goddess within! And, furthermore, once harnessed, and might I ADD, with the CORRECT INTENTION.....THEN may the games begin!

Well... I Never!!!:eek: :lildevil:

giggle.....ahem......what she said........;)

Team SausyAussie would be on a Flirt Thread?

Ladies ..... You slay me!

Hmmmm….To be or not to be……that is the question???? :hmm:

Yes…….be a “Positive Flirt”!!! :thumb:

Because it will get more results then a “Negative Flirt”!! :bonk: LOL!!

By the way……Awesome Goal!! :yippee: :yippee: :yippee: :yippee:

More people should have “Flirting” on their “Goal List”!!! :rulz:

OK ...... I'll add it to mine!

maybe "Enhanced Flirting" .......

OK ...... I'll add it to mine!

maybe "Enhanced Flirting" .......


Me too!! ;)

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This sounds like a lot of work :D but I'll try it. Thanks Spider




Ross, don't remind me of my age... In the office, being the new guy, women asks my age or my birthday I usually reply "sorry, it's highly confidential" :biglaugh:

When a woman asks your age, respond by smiling and then ask her, "How old do you think I am?"

It's a good ice breaker and you can continue asking such questions as:
"Why did you want to know?" and so on, eventually leading up to something like, "Will you let me guess your age?" If yes, you better underestimate her age or you'll be toast. If she says no, then you can ask, "Then will you let me buy you dinner?"

Just a few ideas for you to ponder.

btw, you can't lose what you never had. So, smile real big and say hi to the girl. Then ask her out for coffee or lunch or dinner. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose. I believe in you. So, get out there and do it already! :yup:

Chaz,

Keep it up!! Remember the goal---just smile and say "hi". Do not try to carry on a conversation, unless one naturally develops. Your goal is to smile and say "hi" to five differant women a day, for 21 days.

Also, women who work at resturaunts, stores, ect. are a good place to start flirting. These women are there working. So say something flirty and romantic. Then go back to the store tomorrow, and do the same thing with the same girl.Don't be shy! Let her know that you find her pretty and attractive! But do it in a flirty way. And remember, flirting is getting her to laugh!!

I've heard about this book at www.askmen.com i think it's a good book. But i need to have a credit card... (yes, i don't have a credit card i'm not just comfortable with having one :o ). By the way, did you find the book really effective?

I've just purchased a book "Lucky in Love" - flirting strategies. I'm still trying to "DO" what is adiviced on the book. :banghead:

Well Chaz it was certainly effective in giving me a larger and more accurate perspective. I didn't go out and employ the techniques because i didn't need to. I've found the one lady i want. However, knowing more how this mysterious other sex works allows me to be a more switched on and balanced partner. If you don't like credit maybe see if you can get a hold of a visa/mastercard debit card? They are very handy, i've had mine for a few weeks now and it's great.

Anyways mate, all the best:D

To be honest, I'm not satisfied with my performance. A simple hello seems difficult to say... :banghead:

Here's what is usually happening... a single pretty woman is coming my way, (me: ok, here's your chance Chaz... say hello). She passed by, I whisper "hello". :hopeless:

Here's a rare thing, a new lady engineer joined in our group in the office last tuesday. She's pretty and a lot of guys are looking at her but never had the guts of asking her name. She knows that she's being watched but she continued to mingle with the ladies in our group. I just act uninterested and let the day pass by without talking to our new officemate.

Wednesday, in the pantry while I was filling my mug with hot water, she came in and washed her lunch box. In an informal and friendly tone I asked her, "You still don't have a permanent workstation do you?"... she said "Yeah, I thought the workstation I'm using yesterday was mine for good... it turn out that the owner was just on training and I have to go to the next vacant workstation"... I said "Yeah, that happens a lot with new hires especially now 'coz the company is expanding and a lot of new hires are coming in... it will take some time to purchase new computers... by the way what is your name?" etc. etc.... :cool:

I'm planning to ask her out... she's pretty and seems nice, I still don't know what to say...

Be confident, and don't be too eager....that scares 'em away. I know this game very well, and you can't avoid the game. Feel out the situation, and when the timing is right, ask her to grab a cup of coffee or something like that with you.

Aloha Chazper!

One thing I've noticed mising here is the reminder of building Rapport between You and the potential Hi-ee. :D

You are absolutely on the right track Smiling and being Friendly. Do do the 5 Smiles a Day, and those Smiles will be easier each day. Add now to that Smiling like They Smile! You've probably noticed that people act and react in slightly different ways. That is a clue to You about how to enter their world just a little more quickly, while allowing them to feel comfortable with you. Since You like to read, I'd suggest "Influence - The Science of Persuasion" by Robert Cialdinl. It's a great introduction to a different way of looking at your interactions with others.

Of Course, You'll also want to read "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by ........what'hiz name? ;)

But YOUR main concern for the moment is to keep doing the 5 Smiles Day, and see what happens from there. Your brief conversation with the New Engineer was perfect! More will flow just like that one. You'll know when it's time for Step Two - asking for more. Date, Lunch, etc. That will come once you are more comfortable with HI and Smiles!

Ahem and might I add a hint!

not that I'm a flirt or anything(he he)
however...

you could also have a twinkle in your eye when you make eye contact.You might even be thinking...mmmm you are like SO kissable!

You'd be surprised, women are so intuitive....!:D

Here we go:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/relationships/singles_and_dating/techniques_flirting.shtml

British Flirting! Cool! Good Stuff here chazper! Basic Friendliness!

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Good Job Buddy! A Positive Flirt in the making! Sounds like You're Winning Friends!

My goal is to be a positive TEASE!! ;) :kiss2: :kiss2: :kiss2: :kiss2: LOL!! LOL!! LOL!

October 19: Fifth day
Subject: Waitress –As soon as I went inside the resto, I smiled at the two waitresses in the counter… they smiled back. I asked “Hmmm… I see there are no people eating in here right now?”. Waitress, “Business is slow right now, but there are days that the place is full”. I replied “It’s a shame, your food in here taste great! And it’s affordable.” Waitress “Thanks, my father is really a great cook”…. Etc. etc.

October 20: Sixth day
At the office. I think we are about 40 new people in the office. And often, people don’t know the names of people on the other side of their cubicles. All are busy having their computer based training. But I found that reporting for work at 7 in the morning gives you the chance of meeting and conversing with the early birds.

Subject: A Working Mother: At the pantry (again). Talking with some of my male buddies about going to the mall after work and try ice skating (we have free tickets!), a lady is filling her cup with coffee at the coffee machine…. I saw her smile (she obviously overheard our conversation)… I took the opportunity and smiled at her… and asked “Do you know how to skate?”… chat… chat… chat… and she asked my full name.

Subject: A new face: I saw her at a corner sitting, obviously she is somewhat new. I was feeling upbeat. I smiled… she smiled… She happens to be a returning member of our department, she had finished her project, so she will be staying here at our home base. Result: A new friend.

Hmmm... I still can’t achieve my quota. After work, my level of energy drops and I just want to go home. Anyway, a few more of this and of your suggestions/advice I’ll be on my way on being a positive flirt! Thanks :D

Great, Chazper :) Good luck, and onward and upward :cheerlead:

CHAZ, BEWARE!!!

I understand Cathy's advice about 'being to eager', and you thinking that if you play 'Mr.Cool' you're going to attract this egineer...however, the guy who is always at her cubicle is taking the initiative, and if he is flirting with her and letting her know that he finds her attractive, you could lose here!!!

Ahem and might I add a hint!

not that I'm a flirt or anything(he he)
however...

you could also have a twinkle in your eye when you make eye contact.You might even be thinking...mmmm you are like SO kissable!

You'd be surprised, women are so intuitive....!:D

Awww....:D :rulz: :yippee: :yippee: :biglaugh: :D :bouncy:

CHAZ, BEWARE!!!

I understand Cathy's advice about 'being to eager', and you thinking that if you play 'Mr.Cool' you're going to attract this egineer...however, the guy who is always at her cubicle is taking the initiative, and if he is flirting with her and letting her know that he finds her attractive, you could lose here!!!

You are absolutely right, Highschool! You gotta know when to hold 'em, and know when to fold 'em. It is tricky, indeed. Yeah, each situation is different. I hate this stuff....it is all so scary.:yikes:

Chaz, don't beat yourself up over one lost opportunity. I think a lot of people get more uncomfortable in elevators, than anywhere else! Let's face it - we are in a very small space to begin with. It makes us nervous... we try to respect everyone's space around us. By the time we think of something clever to say - that person is at the floor they need and are getting off ! Also it would be weird to get asked out in an elevator... no escape... and others can come on or off at any second... too much going on!

My advice? Train yourself to smile first... wait. Make some innocent comment or compliment... "Great seminar!" She will say thanks.... wait a second. Lead into some other aspect of the seminar, etc. what ever the case may be.... "Sure hope you put on another one!" and end with "Is there some way to find out well in advance when you are coming back to do another one?" This opens the door for her to tell you how to contact her, or find out, or give her business card to you, etc. Ease into it.... :)

You also have to trust the man upstairs. If something is meant to be, it will be.:)

Was just looking in to see if my name has been drug through the mud. It hasn't (yet). LoL.

Best of luck, bro. :thumb:

-CP

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just found out she's already married.Well, the great thing about this Chazper, is that You've already made conversation with her, and saw how easy it can be.
You've also imagined what a Coffee and Lunch together will be like, and how you will talk and react and BE. Now, because You've already done these, you already have these thing as part of your references to use when finding another Lady or Two or Three to engage in Conversation.

You are still Smiling with 5 People every Day, right?

Good Luck with Your Next Conversations!

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what about a coffee house?

what about a coffee house?

Cathy's right.

Chaz, try flirting with waitresses, grocery store check out girls, ect. The benefit is, if you like the girl, you can flirt without pressure, because you are just showing up at her work, casually buying something. Eventually, you'll figure out her schedule, and show up at those times...if you both are hitting it off, great!!

BTW, I agree with you about your opinion about bars. most of them are meat markets and the people who go there on the weekends are really just looking for sex. For what you've said, Chaz, it sounds like you're looking for a relationship, not to get laid, so I would stay away from bars.

You sound like a religious guy. Have you tried to women at your church?

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Thanks Cathy, but I don't go to coffee houses like starbucks 'coz i feel guilty buying a 150 pesos coffee wherein i can buy a 10 or 20 pesos coffee with the same taste at a grocery store :D


I don't like the coffee either. Starbucks is too strong. I like my coffee at home. I was just thinking that a lot of people hang out there, and it might be easy to meet a gal at one.

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Cathy's right.

Chaz, try flirting with waitresses, grocery store check out girls, ect. The benefit is, if you like the girl, you can flirt without pressure, because you are just showing up at her work, casually buying something. Eventually, you'll figure out her schedule, and show up at those times...if you both are hitting it off, great!!

BTW, I agree with you about your opinion about bars. most of them are meat markets and the people who go there on the weekends are really just looking for sex. For what you've said, Chaz, it sounds like you're looking for a relationship, not to get laid, so I would stay away from bars.

You sound like a religious guy. Have you tried to women at your church?

I was thinking the same thing: church.

are there any business organizations you can join, etc. Do you play any sports? What about a mixed softball league, or something like that?

My goal is to be a positive TEASE!! ;) :kiss2: :kiss2: :kiss2: :kiss2: LOL!! LOL!! LOL!


I highly recommend it. :D

Jennifer

Chazper ..... I "flirt" virtually EVERYWHERE I go! the Mall, the Post Office, in the Pool, on the Beach, Bookstore, Department Store, picking up take-out food, standing in line at the Grocery Store ..... everywhere! (heck ..... I even flirt online! ;) ) How do I do that? Attitude is what I would consider THE #1 thing. I don't set out with the intention of "Flirt" on my mind, but I do that just as a course of My Day, because that is a part of My Identity. To be a Flirt? Well, no, not just that, because that is just a sliver of a larger part, which is Total Me.

Now, to address your actual question ..... Where to go to Meet the type of Women You want to Meet? Do You like self-Improvement? go to those Events and Seminars and Workshops and Talks. Go to the Bookstore and look in the Self-Improvement Section. Go to a Healthy Food Store vs the Supermarket. Sports? A Great place, if You aren't there JUST to Flirt, but to enjoy YourSelf as YourSelf. What interests You is where You want to be to meet that Lady you are looking for, because that interests Her too! .

Make Sense? Even with Buddies, if You make a Connection, it is not rude to talk with someone else.

But lets address this real quickly ..... more-than-likely, Women will not approach You, it's YOU who needs to be in the "Approach" mentality. Is it Cool when a Lady does walk over? Absolutely, but most of the time, it's YOU who will be doing that, in just about any Social situation.

so I'd invite you to consider ading to the "Flirt" Mentality the Attitude of "Approach" as well. It might be Step Three doing so, but I think it's a step You will benefit from making.

Agreed with Manta here (that seems to happen with a fair amount of regularity). You need experience. If you just start becoming a little more flirtatious in every day life instead of looking for specific instances and situations, you'll be better off. Identitify yourself as a "flirt". Be fun wherever you go! Make women smile and laugh a little. Even if you're 'not their type', they will be happy that you tried to make them laugh. Get good at it, and you may even begin to spark interest where you might have done nothing before.

Starbucks is a place that always seems to have attractive women in it (either working there or as customers). Even if you just go and drink bottled water (that's what I do), there's definitely a lot of possibilities. Even in the P.I., this is probably a good way to meet new people.

And if all else fails, the best place to practice flirting, especially if you're not so quick yet with your words, is online. Find some chat buddies! I'm sure there's gotta be some phillipino chat sites. Practice there... where you can think for 5 or 10 seconds about the best way to respond and flirt. Once you get the hang of it, start doing it in elsewhere (Bookstore, Grocery store, etc) in person.

One thing you can count on, you will NOT get any better at something if you're not practicing and making a focused effort to improve. So, I like your attitude & approach of coming on here and asking for input. You WILL improve because you are one of the FEW guys that are making the effort to improve this area of your life.

Most men take one of two approaches... (1) they sit back and resign themselves to just settling for the first woman that comes along that will settle for/commit to them, or (2) they talk about how good they are, but it's all ego and there's no real skill there.

Be different! Learn! Try different things! Make people laugh! You WILL make mistakes sometimes. But you will get better... and by doing so you'll seperate yourself from 95% of the other guys out there. Best wishes...

-CP

p.s. If you have not read anything from David Deida or David DeAngelo, do it! Just the works of those two authors alone will make you a Master of this area of your life compared to most men.

p.s. If you have not read anything from David Deida or David DeAngelo, do it! Just the works of those two authors alone will make you a Master of this area of your life compared to most men.

Hey, actually, I just purchased The Way Of The Superior Man this past week. I read a few chapters so far. Bro, what's your opinion of the book and what can I look to get out of it?

(I don't say this critically, but I am not sure I relate to the "new age" stuff. I am more of a "meat and potatoes" kind of guy. LOL!! But I would like to learn what I can from the book.)

Good book. It will take some of it a while to sink in.

The important part? That's likely to be different for every reader and their experiences. For me, it was that women have certain tendencies (ones that used to drive me nutz) and that's just how they are hard wired. We are hard wired very differently and it, in turn, can drive them nutz. SO, if you want to do better in this area, you should try to understand how they think and process things... which is defintely FAR different than how you, as a man, do it.

-CP

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..........

I recommend doing the exact opposite of your plan of meeting as many people as possible.

I met my wife when I decided that I had finally had enough, at 32, of dating...relationships....women...etc. Not bitter but just decided that if I died single, I was o.k with that because I wasn't going to go through another poor relationship again. I realized that I was attracting the wrong type of person and I was trying too hard. I wasn't letting my God (or your spirit...etc..) showing me the way.

So I took a step back and relaxed and became happy with my life. 2 months later I met my soul mate. We've been married 5 years with our second child on the way.

Your soul mate is trying to find you too. Are you listening or are you trying too hard?

Hope it helps. Perhaps I'm babbling.

Cathy and all other women in here,
May I ask, how do you like to be approached?
1. At a grocery?
2. Starbucks?
3. ATM line
4. Shops

If you are riding a bus or a train... how would the person beside you make a converstation with you?

thanks....


Gosh, I don't know if I'd want to be approached at any of those places...I don't think I ever have been!

I've been approached at work quite a few times which was uncomfortable.

I guess if someone was to make conversation with me it should start with "hi, how are you today"...something simple.

I guess if someone was to make conversation with me it should start with "hi, how are you today"...something simple.

What about if the guy found something neutral to talk about first, Joanne? ... say maybe he's standing in line behind you at Stabucks and when you order he just says "Wow, yeah those are good. I had one yesterday morning." and then the conversation just went from there?
Or at a shop/store if you're maybe looking at a sweater and a decent looking guy looks over and smiles and says "Nah, definitely not you." Then he picks up some black punk-rocker top with spikes on it and says with a grin "Are you sure this isn't more like it?"
Or if you're in a book store picking up the latest big deep book (like DaVinci Code, but newer) and a guy near you says "Wow, that looks like a great book! What's it about?". After you tell him me may even be creative and funny and say "Really, that's great. I just come here to buy coloring books."

There's lots of possibilities when you're out in stores or coffee shops- so much stuff to start a conversation about... wouldnt that be preferable to him just saying "Hi. I'm Joe.How are you?"

-CP

What about if the guy found something neutral to talk about first, Joanne? ... say maybe he's standing in line behind you at Stabucks and when you order he just says "Wow, yeah those are good. I had one yesterday morning." and then the conversation just went from there?
Or at a shop/store if you're maybe looking at a sweater and a decent looking guy looks over and smiles and says "Nah, definitely not you." Then he picks up some black punk-rocker top with spikes on it and says with a grin "Are you sure this isn't more like it?"
Or if you're in a book store picking up the latest big deep book (like DaVinci Code, but newer) and a guy near you says "Wow, that looks like a great book! What's it about?". After you tell him me may even be creative and funny and say "Really, that's great. I just come here to buy coloring books."

There's lots of possibilities when you're out in stores or coffee shops- so much stuff to start a conversation about... wouldnt that be preferable to him just saying "Hi. I'm Joe.How are you?"

-CP

I think in Chaz's situation, it's differant...he needs to just start talking to women in a very low-key way...the first thing he has to do is build up his confidence...the best way to do that is to have him just say "hi" to five women a day for 21 days...he needs to realize that it's no big deal to talk to women...right now he his building it up so much in his head that if he does approach women it's going to sound strained and stressed...

Also, in his situation, he shouldn't be talking to really "hot" women right now...start off with average looking women, and then go from there...We've got to get him to at least start talking to women first, before he can move into flirting 101...

I tend to agree, once you learn how to be friends with women, the rest will come natural.

Cathy and all other women in here,
May I ask, how do you like to be approached?
1. At a grocery?
2. Starbucks?
3. ATM line
4. Shops

If you are riding a bus or a train... how would the person beside you make a converstation with you?

thanks....

Not in the ATM line, especially if they are looking at my pin number. ;)

I really do not like being approached when I am shopping. When I used to be in the mood to relate to others, I would go to this one coffeehouse, where most of us knew each other.

If more men watched "Grey's Anatomy", they'd never have issues with flirting. It's not about Patrick Dempsey, it's about the lines written for Patrick Dempsey, which he plays perfectly of course.

Let me share a quick one I remember. If you don't know about the show just try stay with me here. The first time Dr Burke got Christina's interest, (Christina is the new intern, Dr Burke is a top surgeon she has to work with); she's bent over a desk doing some report, he confidently strides in with two cups of coffee.

He reaches around behind her and places one coffee in front of her on the desk, she looks up (very surprised) in time to see him walk away. He turns for a split second to stare at her reaction, flirtatiously takes a sip of his coffee and half-smiles wickedly. He walks away without a word.

To me, and as a woman, that was an incredibly beautiful flirtatious moment.

Ok Chazpa, now you know, go get creative with your own Dr Burke moment. Instead of "talking", once in a while, and when you can, DO.

are there any laid back type coffee houses near you? Starbucks is a little sterile, and I would think it would be hard to strike up conversations there.

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Hey Chazper,

I'm going to echo something Highschool stated earlier. You are trying way too hard.

I'm concerned that you are overthinking this entire subject and making it all much more difficult than it really is.

Be yourself and don't think just do.....

See a pretty girl = .... nod head, smile and say "hi"

Pretty girl says hello back = .... you say, "I haven't seen you around here before, did you just move here?"

Pretty girl answers = .... nod head, smile and say, "I'm Chaz, what's your name?"

Pretty girl gives name = .... you say, "It's nice to meet you."

.... or something similar to that.

If you don't relax and be yourself, you will give off a bad vibe and women will think there's something wrong with you.

Just a little food for thought from the FWIWD.
Good luck friend. :tiphat:

If more men watched "Grey's Anatomy", they'd never have issues with flirting. It's not about Patrick Dempsey, it's about the lines written for Patrick Dempsey, which he plays perfectly of course.


Grey's Anatomy is one of my favorite shows. I watch it every week... but I still don't know how to flirt...maybe I need some private lessons from the girls here.;)

Grey's Anatomy is one of my favorite shows. I watch it every week... but I still don't know how to flirt...maybe I need some private lessons from the girls here.;)

Yeah right you don't know how to flirt? That, what you just wrote, that is flirting, and you know it.

again... CasanovaPrimate!

Ha ha ha ha! And I'm not even guilty of having said it. :rulz: :bonk:

p.s. If you have not read anything from David Deida or David DeAngelo, do it! Just the works of those two authors alone will make you a Master of this area of your life compared to most men.

Chaz,

David DeAngelo is the creator of www.doubleyourdating.com which I recommended earlier in the thread.

Some examples of his work can be found here but I would suggest signing up to his free newsletter.

http://www.bullz-eye.com/relationships/dating_advice.htm

Those are great! Where do you get those ideas! Coloring books??? Nice! What kind of brain do you have? :) Thanks! I'll think of other creative approach! :yup: Thanks again... CasanovaPrimate!

I just think of ideas that seem very casual to me. I am very against the straight, direct and boring of approach of "Hi. I'm so-and-so. Yaddah, yaddah." You'll be just like every other guy that's approached her in the last year. Why not do something different?

And yeah, I find humor goes a long way. Example; Sunday night I went to the grocery store for some chicken. When I was going through the line, the cute young girl (she was maybe 19 or 20, so I had no interest- too young for me, but I still flirted a little) says "How are you tonight?" I say "I'm peach-like". That's a play on words, cuz in the south we often say "I'm peachy".
She looks up and makes eye contact then and smiles and says "Peach-like huh?".
So, I say "Sure, I'm sweet but a little fuzzy on the outside and hard in the middle."
She laughed out loud and says "You should be a comedian or something" to which I respond "Yeah, I am the 'or something' part of that."
She is grinning ear to ear now and says "Well mr funny man, what do you really do?"
So, I lean a little forward and say quietly "I don't like to admit this in public, but I'm a world famous hand-model."
She says "And so you go around making cashiers laugh to pass the time?"
"You got it"

See Chaz, simple. Now, that cute girl may have had a bunch of guys try to talk to her while going through her line. But she's going to remember the one that made her laugh and was different than the rest.

-CP

Ha ha ha ha! And I'm not even guilty of having said it. :rulz: :bonk:

You think you're SOOOOO funny, doncha???

-CP

................

For those not in the know, whitening cream is a product used by many asians to bleach their skin. The reason they do this is, that in most cultures over there, the lighter your skin the more attractive it is (to other asians).
When I was dating a chinese girl, she explained that to me- I just didn't get it. She acted like it was just common sense (like 2+2=4, obviously lighter skin looks better, duh, everyone knows that!) and there was something wrong with me if I thought different. But, she didn't have many American friends (mostly stayed around other chinese) so she didnt know that maybe not everyone would agree.

Anyway, great job with the flirting, Chaz. Do not laugh at your own jokes. Smiling is enough to let her know you're joking.
Sales people are easy to talk to (they are used to talking to everyone), but you always wonder if they're just being nice so they can sell you something. It's good that you are at least flriting with someone, but move to non-sales people soon. That way you can tell if their interest is genuine.

Great idea to start remembering people's names! People like to be remembered and they will remember you when you do. Keep in mind that most females have at least a few other female friends. You might be talking with one you are not really interested in, but let her know you are single and they might just have a friend that you would really enjoy meeting!

And finally, I am sorry your friends had to go through that robbery. I thought very few people had guns over there?
At least nobody was hurt... cell phones and money and STUFF can always be replaced, lives cannot.

-CP

Hmmm... and then at the cashier, I did not bought the product... I just left it at a corner... i'm bad :lildevil:



You are a man after my own heart :money:

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Chazper,
I think it's time you stopped trying to flirt with all the girls and started going on dates.

So, pick one you like and ask her out for dinner. Don't think about it, just do it! :thumb:

Chazper,
I think it's time you stopped trying to flirt with all the girls and started going on dates.

So, pick one you like and ask her out for dinner. Don't think about it, just do it! :thumb:

I'm going home this saturday... and a lady friend invited me to have dinner 'coz she wanted to celebrate her passing in her medical board exam. But I know she has a thing on me, she's pretty, intelligent... but the thing is... having a relationship with her is religiously complicated. Nevertheless, I would still come over for dinner with her... i think this does'nt count...

I'm going home this saturday... and a lady friend invited me to have dinner 'coz she wanted to celebrate her passing in her medical board exam. But I know she has a thing on me, she's pretty, intelligent... but the thing is... having a relationship with her is religiously complicated. Nevertheless, I would still come over for dinner with her... i think this does'nt count...

I agree.... it doesn't count, because she asked you. I don't know what religious complications you're talking about, but if you like her, you should go for it. :tiphat:

I'm going home this saturday... and a lady friend invited me to have dinner 'coz she wanted to celebrate her passing in her medical board exam. But I know she has a thing on me, she's pretty, intelligent... but the thing is... having a relationship with her is religiously complicated. Nevertheless, I would still come over for dinner with her... i think this does'nt count...

You'll have to fill us in with the details!

You'll have to fill us in with the details!

Hi Joanne,

It's a doctrine in their church... if you wanna marry someone in their church, you need to be converted to their faith. Anyway, as coach said this does not count. She's a friend and that's all i have to treat that date... a friendly date.



"sometimes i wanna give up, wanna give in, wanna quit the fight, but when I see you baby... everythings alright... everythings alright.... when I see you smile... I can face the world... " - fav song

Hi Joanne,

It's a doctrine in their church... if you wanna marry someone in their church, you need to be converted to their faith. Anyway, as coach said this does not count. She's a friend and that's all i have to treat that date... a friendly date.



"sometimes i wanna give up, wanna give in, wanna quit the fight, but when I see you baby... everythings alright... everythings alright.... when I see you smile... I can face the world... " - fav song


Coach is absolutely right! It's only dinner and enjoy yourself :)

Hi Joanne,

It's a doctrine in their church... if you wanna marry someone in their church, you need to be converted to their faith. Anyway, as coach said this does not count. She's a friend and that's all i have to treat that date... a friendly date.



"sometimes i wanna give up, wanna give in, wanna quit the fight, but when I see you baby... everythings alright... everythings alright.... when I see you smile... I can face the world... " - fav song

My brother did that for his previous wife.....

...as you might have guessed that didn't work out too well for him. :hopeless:

I agree.... it doesn't count, because she asked you.

Yeah, I completely agree here.. it doesnt count if she asked you. It especially does not count if you already knew she liked you... the point of coach telling you to move on & ask someone out would be to learn to face the fear of possible rejection when YOU ask someone out. :yup:

-CP

......

Yesterday: The date was fine. I had the opportunity to crack some jokes... anyway, got to move one to the next.

December 4, a friend of mine set me up on a date... he said that this one is gorgeous, and a little bit high maintenance... hmmm.. i don't care what she is... in my mind the reason I go with this dating game is to meet new people nothing serious... practice practice practice.

I agree... with u guys, I need to face the fear of possible rejection... got to work on that... :yup:



I'm glad your date went well and good luck on the next one!

Don't ever let rejection get you down! Some people just don't click. I'm sure you've felt that way towards some girls...they're cute, funny, but no chemistry for you.

Just move on to the next one! :headbang:

Yesterday: The date was fine. I had the opportunity to crack some jokes... anyway, got to move one to the next.

December 4, a friend of mine set me up on a date... he said that this one is gorgeous, and a little bit high maintenance... hmmm.. i don't care what she is... in my mind the reason I go with this dating game is to meet new people nothing serious... practice practice practice.

I agree... with u guys, I need to face the fear of possible rejection... got to work on that... :yup:

Chazper,
You are missing the point! You started this so you could become more confident, more assertive, face your fear of rejection and finally go out and find your soulmate..... and what have you done?

You've been on one date where the woman asked you out, and you've scheduled another date that was set up by your friend. Where is the "Chazper faces his fear of rejection" part?

Don't get me wrong; I'm happy that you are dating. However, my friend, if you want to overcome your fear of being rejected by women, you need to face it head on. You need to take charge of your situation and do the asking from now on. You need to take responsibility for setting up your own dates in the future.

I believe in you!
gm

..............

In America there is a saying... "Don't sh!t where you eat."

Don't make a mess of the place you earn your money by bringing romance into it.

Just my ambiguous .02 ...

-CP

If you like her, and want to ask her out then do it.

..... that's all Chaz - just do it. I know you can. There are no rules my friend.... Do that which you feel compelled to do, for failing to act on your desire shall bring you no peace.

I believe in you. :tiphat:

Although my target date for this goal is almost over...

i won't give up... 'coz somehow, no matter how small the improvements are... I'm just getting better and better everyday in everyway...

Although my target date for this goal is almost over...

i won't give up... 'coz somehow, no matter how small the improvements are... I'm just getting better and better everyday in everyway...

Right on Chaz! :thumb:

Have a Merry Christmas!
gm

Although my target date for this goal is almost over...

i won't give up... 'coz somehow, no matter how small the improvements are... I'm just getting better and better everyday in everyway... That's how Positive Flirts become Successful Positive Flirts!

Good Luck to You into the New Year and Beyond Chazper!

Thanks Coach & Santa :)