When you love someone

do you

1) Love them the way that they want to be loved? or

2) Love them the way that you want to love them without asking them if they feel loved the way you love them?

I didn't realize it was so complicated. Maybe I missed something. :confused:

If this is an issue, there are probably bigger issues at hand...

Jennifer

When you love someone

do you

[QUOTE]1) Love them the way that they want to be loved? Yes
2) Love them the way that [U]you want to love them Yes

without asking them if they feel loved the way you love themNo

I didn't realize it was so complicated. Maybe I missed something. :confused:

If this is an issue, there are probably bigger issues at hand...

Jennifer

i think this is supposed be deeper and we are missing the bigger picture...but otherwise
AGREED

When you love someone

do you

1) Love them the way that they want to be loved? or

2) Love them the way that you want to love them without asking them if they feel loved the way you love them?

I'm assuming you're asking how do we express our love towards them? Because how we love someone seems to be something that just comes natural.

It's a good question, because we may love someone very much and love them unconditionally, but if we don't express our love towards them in a way that's meaningful to them, they may not realize the extent of our love. So good communication on how to express love towards each other is important.

Love is a tough battle in any way or form!

All Icanm sya is just be you and do not try to be anything else! It will fall down otherwise! Trust me - I have felt the pinch twice with 2 failed marriages where I loved them the way they wanted to be loved - instead of being who I am and loving them the way I love them and can love them!

If the realtionship is meant to be - it will be and always strive to give your best! Try not to loose yourself in the complelxity of the relationship and simply be YOU!

I can not stress this enough! If you are not you - you are being controlled and the EGO of both parties - is taking over - loosing the beautiful and wonderful souls who became united in the first place.

My current issue is TRUST and it's playing havoc with my EGO. E.Tolle is working well!

Best of luck and remember to love from your heart - not your mind! Love comes from deep within the loving heart!Let your souls be free!

Cheers

Michelle:yippee: :wave2:

I'm with RichB... Word.

-CP

p.s. ONE love.

It's a good question, because we may love someone very much and love them unconditionally, but if we don't express our love towards them in a way that's meaningful to them, they may not realize the extent of our love. So good communication on how to express love towards each other is important.


That is exactly what I meant - you said it so much better than me.

My wife feels loved when I do things for her and I feel love when she shows affection... we had to learn that about each other. She can "do" things for me all day long and it doesn't make me feel any > or < loved. But if she hugs me rubs my back etc. I feel loved.

I was wondering if people love others they way the other person wants or the way they want.

Make Sense?

Batman, Awake - both your posts resonated with me. This is something that does take time to learn for sure. I always felt my Grandmother loved me more than anyone else in my family. I knew my mom loved me, I knew my dad loved me. But neither of thier love was comprable to the love I felt from my Grandmother...Her love was so much more unconditional to me. I now know as an adult - that my parents showed their love to me, in the only way they knew how to at the time. Which is why I grew up trying SO hard - to show other people love, that way I wanted to be shown love towards me.

Most of the time that way works... but not always. I know it has affected how I show love to my men in my life... I often felt disappointed they weren't showing me love in a way that I wanted, but in the way they thought I wanted or how they wanted to be loved too. It can be a vicious circle that way!

I know it takes a lot of time, faith and effort in a relationship - to figure out how do you want to be shown love by THIS person. How does THIS person want you to show love to them?

It occured to me as I read your starting post here... that this is a fundamental thing to any relationship - yet no one I know has ever had this discussion with their partner, per se. Maybe it comes out in negative ways like " I don't like it when you do this.. or I love it when you do that.." But to actually sit down and have a discussion with someone about this topic? Wow! Now that is food for thought. Thanks for feeding my brain.. :)

When I was at Life Mastery (a Tony Robbins 5-day "seminar") a few weeks ago, there was a couple there that had been married for 23 years. They were probably in their 60s. On relationship day the woman showed the facilitator a little note that her husband had just handed her. It was so cute - it said something really sweet about her and showed a stick figure of her with a flower as her head. Of course most of us ladies went "awww.........." She went on to say that he does this kind of thing regularly and has been doing it all of their wonderful 23 years of marriage. He adores her and shows it to her in this simple way (and other ways, I'm sure). That was such a great example of one person effectively showing his love and adoration towards the love of his life. I get the feeling they've talked about this stuff and have learned what's important to each other in this area. It was so heartwarming and beautiful!!

Oh annd then she bends over as the moon light glows of her back and i come up behind her and.....

Oh sorry i thought you asked who do you make love lol

Thanks for feeding my brain.. :)

You really want your noodle to feast on this subject?

Read a book called the five love languages. Powerful!

Thanks Batman, I will add that one to my book list!

I didn't realize it was so complicated. Maybe I missed something. :confused:

If this is an issue, there are probably bigger issues at hand...
What would You like for Dinner Darling??
Could You bring me some Soup?
Sure! You know I'd love to!

..... 11 Loving Minutes later ........

Thank You sweetie! EWWWWWWWW! Whats THIS?
Soup. Hot and Yummi!
But this is Tomato
Yes.
I wanted Soup. This isn't soup!
What do You mean? Of Course it's Soup?
No it's not. I wanted Soup, and THIS is what You give me?
Whats wrong with it?
Do I HAVE to explain EVERYTHING?
Well, I guess You do! NOTHING I bring You is EVER right!
Well, thats not true .....
it must be, because that's all you ever say!
Do I really sound like that?
Sometimes You do ......
Well ...... that's really not what I mean.
it isn't?
No. Like this soup-thing .....
I bought You what I thought You would want ..... a Bowl of Hot Tomato Soup, just like my Mother brought Me when She wanted to show Me that She Loved and Cared for Me.
Ohhhhhhhh ......... I see the problem here .......
What is that?
My Mother would bring me Chicken Noodle ......

Someone once told me 'I love the way you love me' :hug:

I loved the way he loved me too. He done it in his own way as I did my way. I loved his way, he loved mine :)

Sounds like Y'All had a little bit of Alignment there. prob'ly a good time or two! :D

Sounds like Y'All had a little bit of Alignment there. prob'ly a good time or two! :D

MANY a GREAT time was had by both :yippee:

Love is a tough battle in any way or form!

I think this limiting belief is the root of most, if not all, relationship problems. It should be effortless, fun and fulfilling, mutually respectful and light and airy. If you have to work and fight and battle, you aren't meant to be together. It will eventually be revealed.

Jennifer

Oh annd then she bends over as the moon light glows of her back and i come up behind her and.....

Oh sorry i thought you asked who do you make love lol

:yikes: She Bends over???? The moonlight on her back? Where the hell are you in your back yard and what happened to the good ole fashion love making???

:yikes: She Bends over???? The moonlight on her back? Where the hell are you in your back yard and what happened to the good ole fashion love making???written by a kid from DownUnda. quite possibly a VirginalAussie.

With another Human at least.

:yikes: She Bends over???? The moonlight on her back? Where the hell are you in your back yard and what happened to the good ole fashion love making???

Is there something wrong with exploring new places? Maybe even trying an outdoor episode?

Surely I am not the only one guilty of this crime...

-CP

Is there something wrong with exploring new places? Maybe even trying an outdoor episode?

Surely I am not the only one guilty of this crime...

-CP

You won't catch me outdoors! But different positions...I'm not able to discuss that here ;)

I love The Great Outdoors :yup: ;)

But different positions...I'm not able to discuss that here ;)

Really, where's the adventure in that (not discussing)?

-CP

Really, where's the adventure in that (not discussing)?

-CP

Sorry CP, if I discuss it, I may be banned. I can't have that!:hopeless:

Sorry CP, if I discuss it, I may be banned.

Not here! LoL!

But hey, keep it to yourself... you'd prolly have trouble keeping it down to an 'R' rating anyway, wildcat! :eek: :lildevil: :lildevil: :lildevil: :lildevil: LMAO!!!

-CP

Not here! LoL!

But hey, keep it to yourself... you'd prolly have trouble keeping it down to an 'R' rating anyway, wildcat! :eek: :lildevil: :lildevil: :lildevil: :lildevil: LMAO!!!

-CP

It definitely won't be R rated so I'll just keep quiet :shhh:

When you love someone

do you

1) Love them the way that they want to be loved? or

2) Love them the way that you want to love them without asking them if they feel loved the way you love them?I love them the 2nd way. If they don't like it they can tell me or push me away. I think it's much easier for me to do what I feel like doing and then if the shoe fits....

I was reviewing the threads in the Relationship section and I especially liked the premise of this one so I thought I'd add to it. Something that is curious to me is that this section has the fewest threads of all, even less than Politics. :confused:

I'm glad you mentioned the book The Five Love Languages Batman. A friend of mine had that book and I read part of it while I house-sat (and gave insulin injections to her diabetic cat...didn't hurt me a bit!) Anyway, I've just added that book to my list. The thing that occurred to me is that I'm not 100% sure what it is that makes ME feel loved. So, being the Diva that I am, I'm going to figure that out FIRST. I think "responsiveness" is a good one for me. For instance, I would never have survived a long-distance-relationship in the days before the telephone and email. If I had to wait six weeks to receive a letter from my beau, I'd have withered up and died first.

Batman, it sounds like you and your wife have taken time to learn each others' Love Languages, and that's part of why your marriage works so well. I have noted several times that Mrs. Batman is a very lucky young lady and I'll say it again here....that woman has got herself one prize of a husband! I'd absolutely FLIP for a man who would read a book like The Five Love Languages without being forced to read it by a marriage counselor.

It's been a while since I've read Malcolm Gladwell's Blink, but there is an interesting section in that book which recounts a researcher who is able to predict (with amazing accuracy) the fate of a relationship by watching less than a minutes' worth of video footage of a couple interacting with each other. He started out reviewing an hours' worth of footage but then he applied some sort of mathematical calculation and watched the facial expressions, etc. and he found that he could come up with the same accuracy with only a few seconds' worth of footage. AMAZING.

Thanks for a great thread, Bats.....as always, :urock:

Sorry CP, if I discuss it, I may be banned. I can't have that!:hopeless:

Ok for serious answer to bats original question
A yes
B yes
C only if she aproaches me that i am not being sensitive to parts that she needs me to be ( but never had this issue)

And Joanne never out doors hun????

Damn girl thats sad :(

I recently went through this discussion with a group of friends.

For those wanting the deeper side of this, elaborating on Jules' post:

The Five Languages of Love are how we like to receive and give love. It's how we 'know' that we are loved, or feel we are providing love. They are:


Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch


http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/learn.html

Hearing "I love you" is often all some people need to know they are loved.

Often we give love the way WE like to receive it. This can be a bad technique, since as a primary, you may be in love with someone who has a different way.

Take the quick quiz on the above web site, and have your partner do it also, this then you know the 'primary' way.

For just about everyone, there will be at least 2 of the 5 that you will identify with, and for some, all 5. You will though, have a preference, essentially a rank for highest to lowest.

A simple and effective way to reach out and touch the one you love (no pun) is to know how they receive love, and if they don't know, ask them "How do you know you are loved?" and provide them with the five choices.

Mark

A simple and effective way to reach out and touch the one you love (no pun) is to know how they receive love, and if they don't know, ask them "How do you know you are loved?" and provide them with the five choices.

Mark

This is so true Mark. Asking such a simple question can bring an already extraordinary relationship to a brand new level. Thanks for the reminder.

I recently went through this discussion with a group of friends.

For those wanting the deeper side of this, elaborating on Jules' post:

The Five Languages of Love are how we like to receive and give love. It's how we 'know' that we are loved, or feel we are providing love. They are:


Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch


http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/learn.html

Hearing "I love you" is often all some people need to know they are loved.

Often we give love the way WE like to receive it. This can be a bad technique, since as a primary, you may be in love with someone who has a different way.

Take the quick quiz on the above web site, and have your partner do it also, this then you know the 'primary' way.

For just about everyone, there will be at least 2 of the 5 that you will identify with, and for some, all 5. You will though, have a preference, essentially a rank for highest to lowest.

A simple and effective way to reach out and touch the one you love (no pun) is to know how they receive love, and if they don't know, ask them "How do you know you are loved?" and provide them with the five choices.

Mark

great add to the thread mark

Is there something wrong with exploring new places? Maybe even trying an outdoor episode?

Surely I am not the only one guilty of this crime...

-CP

Heck no!!! Love it! It simply adds to the pure excitement and enjoyment of the time together!

Even to be caught passioning on an escalutor in an airport was a thrill! Love making would have been tops! Grrrr......:D

I recently went through this discussion with a group of friends.

For those wanting the deeper side of this, elaborating on Jules' post:

The Five Languages of Love are how we like to receive and give love. It's how we 'know' that we are loved, or feel we are providing love. They are:


Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch


http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/learn.html

Hearing "I love you" is often all some people need to know they are loved.

Often we give love the way WE like to receive it. This can be a bad technique, since as a primary, you may be in love with someone who has a different way.

Take the quick quiz on the above web site, and have your partner do it also, this then you know the 'primary' way.

For just about everyone, there will be at least 2 of the 5 that you will identify with, and for some, all 5. You will though, have a preference, essentially a rank for highest to lowest.

A simple and effective way to reach out and touch the one you love (no pun) is to know how they receive love, and if they don't know, ask them "How do you know you are loved?" and provide them with the five choices.

Mark

Very interesting Mark! Shall do! Will also invite my partner to do the same!

:tiphat: