Our first title is "The Now Habit: A Strategic Program for Overcoming Procrastination and Enjoying Guilt-Free Play " by Neil Fiore.

We will read one chapter per week, and will post threads about the key distinctions\lessons\major ideas we each get from the chapters.

We will begin posting the week of November 13th, and will cover Chapters 1 and 2 for this first thread.

If you are in for this book, please reply here so we know who is planning to participate.

Happy reading.

John

If you are in for this book, please reply here so we know who is planning to participate.


Me! Me! Me! (does that mean I read it 3x) :hmm:

Paul

Please standby for buying this book until Tom has a chance to post an affiliate link so he gets credit for the sale. :thumb:

Hey KG - great idea..one suggestion..

can you give us a brief description about the book so those of us who haven't read it can decide whether to opt in on this one or not?

Might be useful every time you choose a new book...

my .02 for the day.

Thank!

Hey KG - great idea..one suggestion..

can you give us a brief description about the book so those of us who haven't read it can decide whether to opt in on this one or not?

Might be useful every time you choose a new book...

my .02 for the day.

Thank!Darlin' ..... in the title .....

"the NOW Habit ..... Overcoming Procrastination"


Yew wuz gunna read that post later? right? :biglaugh:

From Amazon.com

"The Now Habit: A Strategic Program for Overcoming Procrastination and Enjoying Guilt-Free Play " by Neil Fiore

Book Description
Originally published by Tarcher in 1988, The Now Habit has sold more than 58,000 copies, and is as relevant as ever!

Author Neil Fiore offers the first comprehensive strategy to overcome the causes of procrastination and to eliminate its deleterious effects. His techniques will help any busy person get more things done more quickly, without the anxiety and stress brought on by failure to meet the workplace's pressing deadlines.

This revised, redesigned edition includes a new introduction and a section that provides strategies to understand and deal with the complex role technology plays in procrastination today. --This text refers to the Paperback edition.

About the Author
Neil Fiore, Ph.D., guides managers, executives, and their employees to new levels of peak performance. From his experience as a lieutenant with the 101st Airborne Division, a manager with Johnson & Johnson, a statistical analyst for Shell Oil, and a psychologist and career counselor at the University of California, Berkeley, Fiore brings practical tools for life and work to his seminar participants. He holds a doctorate in psychology and a B.S. degree in economics.

does audible have it?

Tom,

I'm sure you have your affiliate link somewhere, but for convenience, it is now here --

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0874775043/ref=ase_XXXXXXXX

Of course, you add your affiliate code where I have XXXs

You could wrap that around this ---

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/0874775043.01.MZZZZZZZ.gif

Darlin' ..... in the title .....

"the NOW Habit ..... Overcoming Procrastination"


Yew wuz gunna read that post later? right? :biglaugh:

nice.....there goes your appointment to the court.

nice.....there goes your appointment to the court.
No Jury Duty! :thanx: :woohoo:

I don't have an Amazon affiliate account, and am not on my own computer, but I will open one later tonight asap and give you guys a link.

Thanks. :)

Thanks Tom, I'm in. Thanks John for taking charge. It's so unlike you. :D

Jennifer

I'm in and await the link.

Ok here is the official link...

Buy Here (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0874775043/ref=ase_successvibe-20)

Or click the book...

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/0874775043.01.MZZZZZZZ.gif (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0874775043/ref=ase_successvibe-20)

I'm in :thumb:
The book has been collecting dust on my shelf so I look forward to reading it now ;)

I had to order the book through Amazon.ca.

I'm in. It'll be here in a week.

Will I get kicked out of the book club since I haven't bought it yet? I seem to be....procrastinating.

Jennifer

provideing i can get the books here

Will I get kicked out of the book club since I haven't bought it yet? I seem to be....procrastinating.

Jennifer
Procrastinate later. ;) It's a good book.

Will I get kicked out of the book club since I haven't bought it yet? I seem to be....procrastinating.

Jennifer

Jen... Jen.... do it.. NOW!!!!

It's easy... click on Amazon... order... receive... read... grow :)

Seriously, I wasn't sure when I first glanced at this book, but a lot of people have highly recommended it.

Paul

Bump!!!!

Don't forget this guys... it should be real fun having a book club where a few of us participate.

Don't put it off :hopeless:

Paul

Reminder - we expect to begin posting on the 1st two chapters of the Now Habit by Neil Fiore, beginning next week.

Tom has placed an affiliate link to Amazon on page 2 of this thread if you do not already have a copy of this book.

Do NOT put it off - the secondary title of this book is - "A strategic program for overcoming procrastination and enjoying guilt-free play".

Looking forward to starting on this next week.

John

I'm in but my damn book still hasn't arrived yet. No worries, even if it's a tad late I'm totally in and will catch up.

I'll join in! I've been a little hesitant because of the procrastination problem; concerned I'll put off reading when I should and then just end up so far behind I'll get frustrated & drop out.........(can ya tell I have some experience in this area :rolleyes: )

I just ordered the book but won't get it til some time next week, so will catch up then. Coulda had it on Monday for a mere extra $20 :yikes: !!

Bump in the spirit of anticipation!

(Neil Fiore wrote this book by spying on me and reading my mind for years - that much is perfectly clear from the first chapter.)

Well I am getting my copy out in a few mins and putting it into my carry on for a flight later today... so I will read the first two chapters on the flght tonight...

Ain't No Stoppin' us now.... we got the groove...
McFadden and Whitehead

Paul

Well our first assignment was to read the Introduction, Chapter 1 Why We Procrastinate and Chapter 2 How We Procrastinate, although I put a little of it off I did get to it- lol.

The Introduction touched me in that some of the habit and pattern descriptions were very much 'me', especially the anxiety\panic aspect and the perfectionist aspect. I am excited at the prospects of establishing what Fiore calls the Now Habit, and the tools he suggests for achieving it seem to be inline with Anthony Robbins Time of Your Life\Rapid Planning Method system, as well as Getting Things Done by David Allen which have both been very helpful for me over the past 12 months.

As I read Chapter 1, Why We Procrastinate, I have to admit some of it really hit home in a rather uncomfortable way, from the first page. I realize I still make unreasonable schedules and timelines. I like the focus on a positive view of the human spirit though, and think that I have not thought about it consciously but this idea of man as the fundamentally heroic character resonates with my overall philosophy. The story of Clare, the medical marketing specialist has given me pause as to how my Wife and I deal with our daughter and her schoolwork - very painful realization.

The idea of procrastination as a symptom of resentment also really struck me as very much inline with the issues from Michael Gerber's e-Myth Revisited. If I had to peg a single issue for me, it would that I suffer from a fear of success and the loss I fear that could result - an interesting lesson.

Chapter 2, How We Procrastinate, also rang a little too close to home. Just the idea of keeping a time log to show what the issues are and recording the actual time wasted is rather daunting, a task I would normally put off out of a desire to just 'not know' how bad it is. I am planning to give the time log\procrastination log 3 to 5 days and am a bit apprehensive about learning the result. The idea that we create the anxiety and pressure as a response is not new to me but again, Fiore seems to have communicated it in a way that hit me upside the head. I am encouraged that the safety net idea really caught my imagination. I plan to revisit the various visualization exercises re: the high-walk board, as the results from a quick run through were helpful to me.

I have made progress over the past several months with Getting Things Done and e-Myth Revisited with the idea of setting a target other than perfection as the acceptable level of performance. Once again, there seems to be a sort of critical mass on how to keep yourself out of trouble by setting realistic expectations and schedules, and providing the freedom of a safety net to understand that we must separate performance from our self worth.

So far, I am enjoying the book, and am very happy that it seems to be tying so well into other recent books I have read. I look forward to other comments and thoughts.

If folks are interested I would like to suggest a planned chat to discuss the key distinctions and ideas from the first couple chapters, let me know.

John

ok, I'm joining in, I hadn't seen this thread before now. I'll hunt the book down and catch up quick.

Mark

Like John, I read the Introduction and the first two chapters of the Now Habit this week.

A statement on the second page grabbed my attention.


The typical procrastinator completes most assignments on time, but the pressure of doing work at the last minute causes unnecessary anxiety and diminishes the quality of the end result.


For me, procrastination is not so much that I don't get things done, but it is about quality of life.... the manner in which I do get things done (late nights and taking time away from other things) and not doing some important but not urgent things. In terms of Covey's quadrants I seem to be living more in the important and urgent phase, in part because the job creates unexpected demands, but also in part because there are some things that I could be doing a better job of in advance. Intellectually I know this, so what gives?

I have the why's, I have the purpose. In Tony Robbins, Time of Your Life speak, I have a good enough driving force. In Getting Things Done speak, I even know my next actions. Both Tony and David Allen suggest this should be enough to overcome procrastination... but it isn't always... I think Neil Fiore's book adds some additional insight into the why, which when coupled with AR's material (not just Time of Your Life, but Personal Power too) and Getting Things Done, should allow me to finally move on.

Page 2 also talks about the feelings of guilt. The trap of feeling guilty for taking time off work because there are things left undone and vice versa. I certainly live this life. Not the best state to be working in either! Or living life!

I find it interesting that the book states very early on that procrastination is not the cause of the problem, but is a result of the underlying problems which include low self esteem, perfectionism, fear of failure and success, indecisiveness, an imbalance between work and play, ineffective goal setting and negative concepts about worth and self. I have shared with some people here, part in public, part in private chats and PMs about how I have recently become aware of some of these limiting beliefs/feelings about myself that I either wasn't aware of, or wasn't sure how they had been affecting me. I don't want to go into a lot of detail on this, but some of what the book covered in the early parts did resonate with me.

I had anticipated that as I read more books in the next few months, I wanted to stay aware and focus on integration. i.e. not just read one book and then another in isolation, but really see how they connect and build links. As John has also commented, for me, this book ties in very well not just with the procrastination topic in hand, but also aspects of self worth, self talk, goal setting, time management etc etc. This is actually the right book at the right time for me right now.

In chapter one, the author lists some warning signs of procrastination.

1. Does life feel like a long series of obligations that cannot be met? Do you
a) keep an impossibly long to do list - yes? Although this is part of the GTD premiss LOL, so I am not sure if that is a bad thing, but is more how you relate to it.
b) talk to yourself in have to's - yes
c) suffer from insomnia, or have trouble relaxing - yes

2. Are you unrealistic about time?
Yes to some extent to all of these listed. Although not strong yes's... so this is more an area that could be improved.

3. Are you vague about your goals and values. Not really. Although maybe I need to review them more and connect with them more. I have some ideas on that, although that then becomes a HAVE To LOL

4. Are you unfulfilled, frustrated, depressed? To some extent... not very strong again, but yes to a few of these.

5. Are you indecisive and afraid of making decisions? No to most of these.

6. Are low self esteem and lack of assertiveness holding you back? I don't blame outside influences, but I do relate to my net worth being wrapped up in what I do.

Clare's story resonated with me too. I had a complex growing up period. My mom died when I was 6 and I lived with some relatives in the week and my Dad at weekends. Another Aunt/Uncle refused to even respond to a letter my mom wrote to her sister asking her to let me stay with them and some cousins. I don't say this to get sympathy, but in part it's a realization that I have some form of fear of rejection from this young age still lingering inside me. The relatives I lived with in the week were very conditional in their "love". I felt like what I did, who I was, wasn't good enough for them. I rarely got any praise. If any of you have grown up like this, you may know that this just means that you try harder and harder... both to succeed and be liked. I suffered with insecurity in the form of limiting beliefs and fear of rejection/wanting desparately to please people for all of my 20's and a lot of my 30's. It is pretty amazing I ended up in a primarily sales related role LOL where rejection comes part and parcel and this in some ways is why I figured I had this licked, but it isn't fully licked for me. I have the lack of self-worth aspect still lingering inside me - the I am not worth it - self talk.

The book talks about the self-critic being our harshest judge. Someone in a chat to me the other day pointed out to me that I apply rules to myself that I don't apply to others. That really hit me when they pointed that out to me. Someone else also commented that I am very hard on myself. I do believe that this can be used to help push ourselves, to get leverage, but I can also see the negative aspects too now and have become much more aware of them.

I certainly don't relate to the procrastination can express resentment, although I can see where I may have intially established that pattern growing up as a means of getting some control in an area of my life. I don't really relate to the procrastination can defend against fear of failure. It is true that I am driven by a fear of failure... I use this as leverage to push myself, but I don't see that as giving rise to procrastination. On the contrary this is what pushes me to work harder and harder. But the section on procrastination can keep you from facing your fear of success did hit me. The sub section on conflict was maybe one part that I related to, but the other which I found very profound was the delayed fear of failure. This really resonated with me. So subconciously I am scared of future failure and maybe try and protect myself/my ego from not trying hardest so I can always think I have that bit more in reserve. Clearly a lot of this is also related to self-concept.

I am really looking forward to the next chapter on self talk.

One of the key things I am looking forward to as I work through this book and get some sense of control over this "habit" is having a much more balanced and much more pro-active instead of re-active life.

John, I am up for a chat sometime - maybe Thursday or Friday early evening would be a not bad time for me.

Paul

The discussions in this thread promise
to be so darn interesting...I can't wait
for the next episode!:popcorn2:

John and Paul -- you are very good
writers and communicators. I look
forward to your posts and insights.:yup:

I didn't order the book, but I'm already
getting second thoughts about my
decision. I'll give it another day and see
what my heart tells me to do.:hmm:

Big hugs and cheers for the splendid idea,
Mudd
xoxox

Normally when books offer me 'is this you?' checklists my response is no... no... no... . So finding one where the answer to any 5 out of 6 questions is 'yes' makes me sit up and take notice.

Things I've gained from this so far...

The idea that this is not just a character flaw - you're lazy, you're disorganised (insert mother's voice here!). And if there are reasons why I don't do stuff I really want to get done, then it's only natural that 'just get on and do it' doesn't cut the mustard, either.

Paul, I appreciate where you're coming from especially. I know the 'why', and I usually know the 'what next' (though I could use some work there), and a lot of people tell me that knowing the 'why' is enough - that if you just have the passion, you automatically leap enthusiastically into your work and get everything done. I notice it doesn't seem to work that way for me... and Neil F is giving me a much clearer idea of why it doesn't. So I can stop worrying about whether I'm missing something or something's wrong with me (etc, etc, etc) and move on.:bouncy:

Chapter 2 moves on to actual real-life things to do - and since I am a whole lot better at understanding things and knowing how than at actually doing them, I'm taking a careful look at the suggestions here:
1) keep a time log.
(Hm, I think, I did that a lot a few years ago and I think I know how I'm spending my time anyway. I don't like it, and I don't particularly want to see it in black and white in front of me. Ugh. I feel myself procrastinating on this one already...)
2) keep a procrastination log
(Now this is a new suggestion. After skimming this book once before, I have started noticing a little more what sets me off. Usually I'm checking my email again, or in the kitchen looking for something to eat, before I start trying to remember what I was just doing and why I stopped!)

Then comes the board-walking exercise. Yes, I can see myself putting the plank between two tall buildings, and setting fire to the building whose roof I'm standing on (or checking email on ;) ). I'm not quite so sure how to create the safety net, and I'm hoping future chapters will help with this.

Very interesting exchange. I'm not reading the book because it is an old title and I focus on new books so I can review them for my website, but may I be permitted to ask a question now and then? It may add some variety to your postings.

If so, Paul noted: I find it interesting that the book states very early on that procrastination is not the cause of the problem, but is a result of the underlying problems which include low self esteem, perfectionism, fear of failure and success, indecisiveness, an imbalance between work and play, ineffective goal setting and negative concepts about worth and self.

Might procrastination include the expression and exercise of freedom: I am free to do what I like and I choose not to do this now? Or is that something other than procrastination? And is this aspect covered in 'The Now Habit'?

Of course, if you don't want the questions from a non-reader, just say so and I will return to lurk mode!

Very interesting exchange. I'm not reading the book because it is an old title and I focus on new books so I can review them for my website, but may I be permitted to ask a question now and then? It may add some variety to your postings.

If so, Paul noted: I find it interesting that the book states very early on that procrastination is not the cause of the problem, but is a result of the underlying problems which include low self esteem, perfectionism, fear of failure and success, indecisiveness, an imbalance between work and play, ineffective goal setting and negative concepts about worth and self.

Might procrastination include the expression and exercise of freedom: I am free to do what I like and I choose not to do this now? Or is that something other than procrastination? And is this aspect covered in 'The Now Habit'?

Of course, if you don't want the questions from a non-reader, just say so and I will return to lurk mode!This subject is expressly covered under the discussion of resentment as a cause for procrastination Spider - acting out - out of frustration like a child who is over-moderated. Commonly found when you are so burried that there seems to be no freedom whatsoever.

FWIW, Think and Grow Rich is a far older title, but still a good book.

I think the nearest thing would be what he describes (in chapter 1) as procrastination caused by resentment. "I have to do this, I don't want to, but someone's making me do it - so I'll do it later." It's true this is a way of expressing some small freedom, though he doesn't use the word 'freedom'. It describes a situation where you don't have the power to choose what you do, so you make the most use of the small power you have left and choose when you do it.

The examples he give are hospital patients taking their medication later, and employees delaying/ 'forgetting' etc what they're meant to be doing. What leapt to my mind at once as the obvious example is that this is a strategy from childhood.

A child has really no freedom at all - at least the employee can resign from his/her job; even the hospital patient could in theory discharge him/herself. You can't resign from your parents' authority. I got a clear view of this tactic when I saw my younger brother using it: because he's mentally handicapped, he may have the same emotional responses I do but he expresses them without all the self-consciousness.

"David, time you were upstairs in bed."
"I'm reading a book now."
"David! Time to go upstairs!"
"Upstairs?"
"Yes, upstairs, now! It's 10 o'clock!"
"10 o'clock?'"
"Yes, you know it is! Off you go!"
"Where?"
"You know where...!" (sounds of steam building)
"I know, calm down," said in a tone of great moral superiority, "I'm going, all right?"

But for as long as someone was standing over him watching for him to obey, he wouldn't move an inch. Only when he was left to his own devices was there a chance that he'd - very slowly - consider putting the book away and putting a foot on the bottom step.

(Which goes to show that having an IQ of 60 doesn't mean you can't identify all the buttons to press on someone with an IQ of 120, and play tunes on them...)

Oops, crossed in the posting.

This subject is expressly covered under the discussion of resentment as a cause for procrastination Spider - acting out - out of frustration like a child who is over-moderated. Commonly found when you are so burried that there seems to be no freedom whatsoever..I was just thinking in my position - I consider myself retired - that 'putting-something-off-because-I-don't-feel-like-doing-it' doesn't seem to fall into any of the categories listed. I have lots to do, enjoy doing it all, don't have time to do it all, and choose according to desire rather than need. But perhaps retirement isn't supposed to be covered by this book.

FWIW, Think and Grow Rich is a far older title, but still a good book.Of course, it is - and I'm sure The Now Habit is a good book, too. And many other older books. It's just that I have more books to read than I have time...er, choose... to read, and like to let my reading to double duty - enlightenment AND a book review.

I was just thinking in my position - I consider myself retired - that 'putting-something-off-because-I-don't-feel-like-doing-it' doesn't seem to fall into any of the categories listed. I have lots to do, enjoy doing it all, don't have time to do it all, and choose according to desire rather than need. But perhaps retirement isn't supposed to be covered by this book.


But maybe you are not procrastinating Spider. I have a to-do list as long as my arm at times filled with not only must do's but should do's and could do's as well. Sometimes I procrastinate on a must do in order to prefer to work on a could do.

It seems to me that there is a differrence between making choices and putting some things off because you don't have time and can make better choices... compared with procrastination on some task where you have time and you know you should be doing it based on priorties etc, but you still don't choose to do it.

Paul

If you don't mind, I will be playing some catch up and playing along.
I just found the thread and found it intriguing. Let’s see, Catching Up, Procrastination, Nothing new here, I am on comfortable ground... :cookoo:

If you don't mind, I will be playing some catch up and playing along.
I just found the thread and found it intriguing. Let’s see, Catching Up, Procrastination, Nothing new here, I am on comfortable ground... :cookoo:

Hey Scooter... it would be excellent to have you on board!

Do you have the book yet? Or ordering it?

Paul

I know the 'why', and I usually know the 'what next' (though I could use some work there), and a lot of people tell me that knowing the 'why' is enough - that if you just have the passion, you automatically leap enthusiastically into your work and get everything done. I notice it doesn't seem to work that way for me... and Neil F is giving me a much clearer idea of why it doesn't. So I can stop worrying about whether I'm missing something or something's wrong with me (etc, etc, etc) and move on.:bouncy:


Hey Hilary,

Nice post and some nice insights. Yes, this was an interesting eye opener... to work through something like Tony Robbins stuff and learn all about leverage etc... use the pleasure and pain principle wha wha wha and sometimes it still isn't enough. Sometimes, working through David Allens's GTD concepts, having a clear vision of the outcome and the next action still isn't enough. Early indications are that Neil seems to be suggesting there is a missing link and it probably ties back nicely to AR and David Allen too.

I am really looking forward to the next chapters.

Paul

Hey Scooter... it would be excellent to have you on board!

Do you have the book yet? Or ordering it?

Paul

Being that I was behind you all, I ran accross the street and picked up a copy. I am looking at it now. My first thought was to get it tomorrow and I thought to myself, isn't that funny how the mind works!

But maybe you are not procrastinating Spider. I have a to-do list as long as my arm at times filled with not only must do's but should do's and could do's as well. Sometimes I procrastinate on a must do in order to prefer to work on a could do.
.. It seems to me that there is a differrence between making choices and putting some things off because you don't have time and can make better choices... compared with procrastination on some task where you have time and you know you should be doing it based on priorties etc, but you still don't choose to do it.So, what *is* procrastination, then?

So, what *is* procrastination, then?

I thought I said it Spider. My interpretation of Procrastination is when you have something to do that you know you MUST/SHOULD do and you have the time to do it and yet you still put it off. This is different to having stuff to do with no time to do it, and you make better choices... heck sometimes people can't do everything in a given day. I think people do know when they are procrastinating (or at least can be honest about it after the event) as opposed to being run off their feet.

Of course... others may have a different definition.

Do you think you procrastinate Spider?

Paul

I kinda like one of Tonys little sayings ....
Procrastination is just another word for FEAR.

I kinda like one of Tonys little sayings ....
Procrastination is just another word for FEAR.

Maybe that is one cause/interpretation Manta. But for example, could someone procrastinate because they are bored? The job just doesn't give them enough of a challenge to stimulate them for example?

Paul

Maybe that is one cause/interpretation Manta. But for example, could someone procrastinate because they are bored? The job just doesn't give them enough of a challenge to stimulate them for example?

PaulThat isn't procrastination ... thats boredom and lethergy.

Procrastination is an Action from an Emotion. Stimulation will make Action, just a Fear might cause "it" to be put off, which is what Procrastination is really about.

So boredom/lethargy and procrastination could show the same symptoms? i.e. not doing a task... but they have different emotional stimulus?

Paul

Yes ... I think that is probably the case. Even though there are about 5800+ defined Emotions, most differ only on a semantical measure. There are only so many patterns (perhaps 20 or so) and when you REALLY look at them, in the end, there are either "Feel Good" Emotions and "Feel Bad" Emotions, and those within each group are typically seperated only by degree of intensity. In a Passionate Excited State, We DO what we need to do, as long as we know what to do, even if we don't know EXACTLY what to do. In a Feel Bad droopy lethargic state, we don't want to do much of anything.

So this might even cycle back to your question about revitalizing Yourself during and after Your Trips. If You are not enthused about where You are, Your Mind will look for ways to occupy time, not use it, and so feeling like a Procrastination. If You were excited about being in Portland, you might have went over to OMSI and cruised it's world Class Exhibits and displays, instead of harassing Jules with me in the chat room (that was Fun though, eh?) So Yes, You are not using time effectively, but it isn't puting off, it's filling void.

'zat make sense?

...My interpretation of Procrastination is when you have something to do that you know you MUST/SHOULD do and you have the time to do it and yet you still put it off. This is different to having stuff to do with no time to do it, and you make better choices... heck sometimes people can't do everything in a given day. I think people do know when they are procrastinating (or at least can be honest about it after the event) as opposed to being run off their feet.
....Do you think you procrastinate Spider?Well, I didn't think I did, but this interlude between chapters had me wondering.

I don't think I procrastinated at all when I was 'working for a living' but now-a-days time is my friend and I can do whatever I feel like doing - and do! And this talk about procrastination made me wonder if 'being retired' was a way of saying I am now procrastinating.

It now feels more like having finally taken control of my time, rather than having my time have control over me.

But I don't want to keep you chaps from your reading -- when's the next chapter to be discussed?

I think that if you're single-mindedly happy about your use of time, you're not procrastinating - at least, not in the sense used in this book. I reckon you're procrastinating if (and only if) you're doing one thing but carrying a niggling, corrosive awareness that there's something else you should be doing.

The next chapter is called 'how to talk to yourself'. It's brief, to the point and immediately useful, and when can we start, Paul? :)

I think that if you're single-mindedly happy about your use of time, you're not procrastinating - at least, not in the sense used in this book. I reckon you're procrastinating if (and only if) you're doing one thing but carrying a niggling, corrosive awareness that there's something else you should be doing.

The next chapter is called 'how to talk to yourself'. It's brief, to the point and immediately useful, and when can we start, Paul? :)The plan was to cover a chapter a week after the intro and first two chapters this week Hilary.

Of course, there is no reason to procrastinate, so if you want to dive into Chapter 3 on Self Talk, go right ahead. :D

John

I am finding the book so far to be a sleeper. Is it just me?
I have made it through the intro but it wasn't very exciting.

Steven King should have written it ;)
One interesting point that I never thought of and he pointed out is that people in general don't procrastinate 24 hours a day. I guess that really makes sense because if we procrastinated all the time we would never DO anything. Heck, I never would have typed this if I was that bad of a procrastinator because I would have put it off until later, and later, and later then someday...

Of course, there is no reason to procrastinate, so if you want to dive into Chapter 3 on Self Talk, go right ahead. :D


I was thinking the same thing. Since it's Friday and next week is only a few days away, what the heck lol. I'll be reading Chapters 3 and 4 today and may post either later today or Monday.

Paul

Hi Scooter,

I see what you mean - his little example stories are a bit like watching paint dry, and he may not always say things in the most concise way possible ;) But what he has to say is really good.

Anyway, at least this makes him easy to summarise!

...

Chapter 3: How to Talk to Yourself.

Procrastinators talk to themselves in ways that make them feel worse, and less likely to get stuff done.

eg
"I have to"
implies
"Someone is making me do it, but I don't want to. If I had the power here I wouldn't do it. (But something terrible will happen if I don't.)"

So you are setting up resistance to doing the task - resisting, resenting and fighting yourself like you would've fought your parents when they made you do things you didn't want to.

"I should"
implies
"the situation is all wrong, I'm all wrong"
- ie it's a negative comparison with how things 'should' be, but doesn't say anything about how to change.

Change to language of intention and free choice: "I choose to" and "I will".

Other snippets - learn to say 'no'. (You don't have to prove yourself deserving by saying 'yes'.) Concentrate on starting the first small step rather than on the huge thing you have to finish. (Ie - present, doable, not future, unthinkable). Challenge perfectionism. Take time off.

...

When I started paying attention to this, I found a constant inner conversation of 'should', 'must' and 'got to'. It starts at full strength the moment I wake up, and if I don't squish it on the spot, then getting out of bed will become the first procrastination battle of the day! I choose to do the ironing. Really.

I'm tardy. Does that mean I get to stay after class with the teacher? :cool:

Jennifer

Sorry guys - I have to do some catching up - I was at the London Wealth Mastery conference and was studying for that instaed of reading this book - will do the first 3 chapters over the next 2-3 days and then post (if that's ok with you all?) :)

Hey Furrit,

No problem! I've been sick the last few days and will be posting my Chapters 3 and 4 after I have finished reading them. Hope to do so in the next couple of days!

Paul

There's an offer on for some hypnosis CDs by Neil Fiore here:
http://www.hypnosisnetwork.com/hypnosis/procrastination/banabu.php .

I've never tried anything like this - has anyone here? Just thought it might be of interest to any Fiore-fans-in-the-making.

Chapter 3 - How to Talk to Yourself

After the first 2 chapters resonated so much for me I was really looking forward to Chapter and the discussion of how to talk to yourself and I was not disappointed.

The Chapter opens with a fantastic quote from another of Fiore's books:

It is not discipline, willpower, or pressure from others that facilitates adherence to a challenging course of action; but rather the freedom to choose among alternatives, the personal commitment to a mission, and the willingness to take responsibility for the consequences of one's decisions that steel the will and embolden the spirit.

This quote struck me as very appropriate and needed, for me, right now. The fundamental undertone of this chapter is the concept of choice, more specifically, conscious choice.

Fiore first discusses how our habitual patterns of internal communications (familiar subject matter for Tony Robbins fans) can work against us by creating stress (have to), and depression (should's). I found reading this that I initially rebelled against it, because it was, for me, again, hitting too close to home. I recognized much of my own internal communication patterns in the ideas of 'have to do it' and the resultant stress. I have spent alot of time in the past considering these aspects of consistent communication but Fiore has hit the nail on the head insofar as identifying the patterns for what they are, stress creators and nothing more.

Having clearly idfentified the stress pattern of 'have to' thinking, Fiore moves on to 'should' thinking and the messages of depression that result. This too really struck me as accurate for my own communication style with myself. For me, 'should' thinking is what drives overcommitment and resultant unerperformance which leads as Fiore points out accurately, to depression. It is a low grade depression for myself, a constant disappointment in the failure to get done what I 'should' get done. Again, Robbins has covered this as well in the concept of 'shoulding' on ourselves. Fiore has helped me to recognize this pattern in myself.

A key element of this chapter that does not take long to get across is the power of 'no', specifically, learning to say no either as in not taking on work, or in allowing yourself time to evaluate your choices and to choose consciously rather than by default. We simply must have the confidence in our judgement and our abilities to say no. For me, it is in saying no to additional projects or in saying no to unreasonable requests such as schedules or costs.

The element I most looked forward to was when Fiore identifies five major patterns of internal communication and empowering alternatives. While I was not disappointed, I must say I am thankful for my exposure to Tony Robbins' work, specifically in the areas of modelling and visualization as this is the only shortcoming of this chapter in my mindv- not enough focus on establishing and conditioning these important pattern shifts.

I Have To - this has been a real issue for me lately, and I look forward to making a change to creating this as a 'I Choose To'.

I Must Finish - this too has been an issue of late that leads to a sense of overwhelm. The alternative of 'When Can I Start' plays well into the Getting Things Done concept of 'next action'.

This Is So Big - for me personally this is only an issue on strategic projects but I typically have 2 or 3 going and so is important as well. The alternative of 'When Can I Tak One Small Step', more importantly, allowing for imperfect steps (next subject) is something I look forward to testing.

I Must Be Perfect - this is much more of an issue for me than I previously believed and Fiore's discussion of it accurately identified the issues for me that lead to procrastination, embarassment and fear of failure. I have given a lot of thought to the idea of acceptable vs perfect in my business product, now I need to take that further into my development work as business owner with the alternative of 'I Can Be Human'.

I Don't Have Time to Play - this is an odd contradiction for me as my chief procrastination is to do things I enjoy vs. things I don't, but it impacts my ability to enjoy 'guilt free play' on a regular basis. Part of this stems from my as yet imperfect employment of the brain dump concept from Getting Things Done (e.g., writing things down and getting them out of your brain), but the rest is spot on as Fiore describes.

As I mentioned above, I think the only area this chapter falls down on is in discussing how to rehearse these alternatives in an empowering way that deeply roots them in our way of life. Fortunately, Anthony Robbins discusses this at length in both Ultimate Power and Awaken the Giant Within.

I greatly look forward to the next chapter, Guilt Free Play, Quality Work.

Chapter 3 - How to Talk to Yourself
...I Have To - this has been a real issue for me lately, and I look forward to making a change to creating this as a 'I Choose To'....Interesting report, John. I have one brief question, if I may?

I am a great believer in the power of self-talk - the power to lift and build and the power to tear down and destroy. And usually that happens without one being aware - especially the destructive part.

My question is, How does the book help you take 'I have to' and changing it to 'I choose to'? Is there not a danger in the 'I choose to' becoming 'I choose not to' - and a step into procrastination?

Interesting report, John. I have one brief question, if I may?

I am a great believer in the power of self-talk - the power to lift and build and the power to tear down and destroy. And usually that happens without one being aware - especially the destructive part.

My question is, How does the book help you take 'I have to' and changing it to 'I choose to'? Is there not a danger in the 'I choose to' becoming 'I choose not to' - and a step into procrastination?Thank you Spider.

I think you'd get more out of this discussion were you reading the book rather than muddling through my random musings, FWIW.

To your question, part of the goal of this book which I have not addressed in these postings is to develop a sense of awareness of our patterns and our beliefs that lead to procrastination. I think if the lessons take hold and are conditioned, and you are actually choosing consciously, aware of the ramifications or consequences, then choosing not to do something is not procrastination, it is choosing to not do it, period.

As I have said, I felt Chapter 3 was short on the mechanism for developing and conditioning the empowering alternative, but it may be more developed later in the book, unfortunately I do not have the book with me at the shop today and cannot look ahead at the Table of Contents and see if that is the case. If not, I believe a review of Unlimited Power and Awaken the Giant Within provides adequate methods for installing desired behaviors and conditioning them.

John

Thank you Spider...I think you'd get more out of this discussion were you reading the book rather than muddling through my random musings, FWIW....But you random musings are interesting, John. And I am reading 'The Net Worth Workout' at the moment. This old brain has difficulty reading two books at once, I'm afraid.

Chapter 3 - How to Talk to Yourself

Massive chapter for me, as I just finished this. Not just limited to the topic in hand, but some important awakenings on other things going on in my head too.

Despite having studied AR, NLP etc etc for more than 10 years, I admit to not being very good at analyzing the inner voice and the way I talk to myself on a day by day basis. I don't think I am too negative or too hard on myself... not for the most part, but when I sit down and consciously journal on things, I do see that I am.

I am primarily a visual person and I heard someone (I think it was Bandler) once say that visual people think so fast (i.e. in images) that they don't always capture the dialogue. I wonder (and suspect) that I am repeating these patterns over and over to myself consciously and subconsciously (outside of my level of perception) running the negative patterns that I capture when I sit down quietly and focus on them consciously.

As I started to read the chapter, I felt a lot of resistance. Particularly on the counter productive measures where he talked about pressure and feelings of victimization. I heard myself saying, but I don't feel I HAVE to... I am not a victim, BUT... I HAVE To for my customers... Hence I have this paradox... I feel I want to give my customers/propsects/management team the best I can be... and I don't feel a victim in this sense as it is a choice I am making... BUt I still live in the world of I HAVE To's too. Thus the pressure comes from within, not from some external place or person. More on this later... as an insight came towards the end.

I agree with a lot of what John said. Particularly...


Having clearly idfentified the stress pattern of 'have to' thinking, Fiore moves on to 'should' thinking and the messages of depression that result. This too really struck me as accurate for my own communication style with myself. For me, 'should' thinking is what drives overcommitment and resultant unerperformance which leads as Fiore points out accurately, to depression. It is a low grade depression for myself, a constant disappointment in the failure to get done what I 'should' get done. Again, Robbins has covered this as well in the concept of 'shoulding' on ourselves. Fiore has helped me to recognize this pattern in myself.


Moving towards the end, I can relate so much to the repeating patterns of:

I have to

I must finish (or more a sense of I will never finish)

This is so big (tied into I will never finish)

I don't have time to play.


I have already mentioned the pattern of I have to. But the other three above - I must finish, This is so big and I don't have time to play, all come together for me in a sense of overwhelm at times.

I am growing a business... a business I choose to be in. A business that I am proud and excited to be part of. A career that I love. A role that I love. A job that I love and want.

Yet... the harder I work, the more successful I become, the more work there is to do... the job never finishes (the targets only get harder), more customers to serve, more people to visit, more emails to answer, more HAVE to's to address... particularly with a focus on excellence and being the best.... so this becomes a never ending job... a job to which there is no finish (even for a single customer, there is an on-going relationship aspect to it) and hence the feeling this is so big... all of this at times feels overwhelming and leads to I don't have time to play.... and maybe more importantly in language I can relate to... I don't have time for me!!!

I deliberately left out the I must be perfect one... because in a work context.. I don't feel I have to be perfect. I am focused on excellence and giving the best I can give (which I am not doing at times because of procrastination) which fuels guilt.

But more so... it is in life as a whole where the pattern... I can be human (i.e. imperfect) really hit home to me.

For many years, for many reasons, I feel driven, compelled... my identity, self worth etc tied up in work and external recognition... the need to be liked/loved etc... effectively handing this over to other people - including my customers, my peers and my family.


By coincindence today I started to read Wooden on leadership. And the opening quote in the introduction is:

"Success is a peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to become the best of which you are capable."

While I know that someone could read that and say, this is a call to light a fire under oneself... to drive oneself even harder... what I also get from this is the emphasis on the peace of mind... the self-satisfaction.

In reading Chapter 3 of The Now Habit and what I read of the Wooden book today, I realized... I love my job, I am successful at my job, I can choose to be more focused and more effective and do even better at my job working on the things that will make a difference, but I can also enjoy it... I can enjoy the journey... smell the roses as I go along. Because it is the journey

Another quote from Wooden:

"For most of my life I have believed that success is found in the running of the race. How you run the race - your planning, preparation, practice and performance -counts for everything. Winning or losing is a by product an aftereffect, of that effort. For me, it's the quality of your effort that counts most and offers the greatest and most long-lasting satisfaction."

Thus... I have become more at peace with the non-finishing aspect of this career/business... and thus.... minimizing the "this is so big" aspect and instead chunking it down into... what can I do now? What's the next one small step? What (in GTD terms) is the Next Action?

Also, I can smell the roses as I go along... I can enjoy the pleasure of success... I can enjoy my role, my career, my life.

And for me... it's reminded me to re-commit to an Hour of Power each day, as a minimum. Ideally go back to my concept of several HOPs... one related to spiritual, one related to physical and one related to growth. Because in those, I can take the time for me.. take the time to play and regenerate and recapture my own self worth.

Paul

Chapter 4 (11/29/06)


One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magic rose garden over the horizon - instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our window today.
- Dale Carnegie


<Reflection>
Isn't this the truth. As I have been realizing of late, in reading The Now Habit and also Wooden's book on leadership - life and successful living is the journey, not the destination. It's about how you do it, and how you relate to the journey, how you enjoy it, and enjoy living as you go about your journey.... not putting off living until that day where you reach somewhere and say now I can be alive. Life has already passed you by at that point!
</Reflection>

"PUtting off living" is the most tragic form of procrastination we can engage in. It keeps us from completing the really important things in life and aslo lessens our self respect for ourselves by keeping us tied to delaying tactics such as overeating, excessive tv watching, (web-surfing, chatting), and
pursuing half hearted and rapidly abandoned hobbies and schemes.

Peak performers actually take more vacations, are healthier and accomplish more than workaholics. Both workaholics and procrastinators tend to:

- see themselves burdened by incomplete work
- think of their lives as being on hold - one day they will be organized enough or successful enough to enjoy life
- view people as lazy and in need of discipline (self-discipline) in order to create pressure and motivation
- maintain negative attitudes towards work. See work as infinite and insatiable, requiring sacrifice.

Peak performers know the importance of play and rest and not feeling guilty about it.

Recreation is about Re-Creating yourself in a way that keeps you motivated and interested in returning to your projects. It is about living a full life...Now... not putting it off once your work is complete.


The trick about guilt free play is to schedule it into your weekly agenda.

We are more likely to work productively when we can anticipate pleasure and success rather than isolation and anxiety.

Most people use a push method (in AR speak, moving away from pain) method of moving themselves towards a goal, rather than a pull method (a moving towards pleasure). The push method is designed to stimulate action through fear. Our reaction is therefore to escape the fear, not necessarily to move towards the goal - one reason why push alone isn't always effective.

Another trick however with the pull method is to make the reward more tangible for the short term, not some bigger reward which is a long time away. E.g. one month into your sales targets for the year, you may be ahead but have a long way to go... but in terms of a quick win, maybe a short term monthly bonus enables you to have a weekend away for example.

Enjoying guilt free play is part of a cycle that leads to higher quality, creative work. The cycle begins with guilt free play, or at least scheduling of it. This gives you a sense of freedom in your life that enables you to more easily settle into a short period of quality work. As you do this, your self confidence grows, enabling you to enjoy the guilt free play more.

Fiore finishes the chapter by talking about Missions. The "sense of mission is really the 'pull method' of motivation that draws you toward your goal with positive energy, rather than trying to push you by using fear and threats."

<Reflection>
In summary, this really all ties in nicely to the concepts of Tony Robbin's RPM system - having a mission, clearly defined outcomes, with purpose etc - that all support a pull method, and also GTD, which also focuses on the clearly defined outcomes etc. RPM also challenges one to think of a life in balance... both personally and professionally... and one can use the wheel of life to check this balance on a regular (even monthly) basis.

My personal committment the other day to pro-actively making laughter part of my life, by watching for 20-30 mins a sitcom for example, or listening to stand up comedy is one part of scheduling some play in a positive way. Also, going to the gym again on a more regular basis, as an appointment with myself will be another way I can do this.

But, I am a boring "fart" too and don't have many interests outside of work right now... I have interest but see many of them as "growth" related etc. In other words, I've become too serious... some of these are in reality play and I need to change how I view them, but I also need to look at myself and my life creatively and see if I can introduce some new aspects into my life that can lead to quality "play" too.
</Reflection>

Procrastinators may find some guilty free pleasure time to read this interesting blog article on Eat That Frog (Brian Tracy's procrastination busting guide).

http://ideamatt.blogspot.com/2006/10/some-thoughts-on-eat-that-frog-by.html

I find Matt's blog quite an interesting one and visit it on a weekly to fornightly basis to get some good thoughts.

Paul

So what's the latest update? Do tell.........

Bump: For Trace.

I DO remember seeing this thread now! I am going to do a search now, and see how it was decided that this was the book to read. Do you think it didn't work simply because it was THIS book, or like P@P suggested in my thread, that it's difficult to coordinate people when they might not be interested in reading the same book at the same time?