My exhusband rings me the other day and lets me know he is getting married in december to his new girlfriend, a philippino ladyand he is bringing her back here to live.:biglaugh:

The funny thing about this is that his family are all up in arms about it.
Even funnier, I am becoming the wise one, the counsellor to his family including his mum! LOL! Far out!She thinks the lady in question may be pregnant to him....oh dear...oh well!:hmm:

Actually, I think, for him, and for her..its a win win...:rulz:
He is the type of guy that really needs a woman by his side to be with him 24/7, pick up after him and be totally happy with that.
She will be so happy to be coming to a better life...and for her he is probably the prince who came to rescue her....I know this as I have seen pictures..:yikes:

so in my view, I am very happy for them, as it is a win win and he's off my back too.:yup:

He is taking the boys(our sons) with him for a 4 week holiday over there while he gets married. I'm a bit sad as I won't see my boys this christmas but I am planning on flying to perth in the new year to see them.:)

I thought it was best to be positive about this especially in front of the children. I guess my question here is how do I approach this subject with my girls who very young (nearly 6 and nearly 3), and who are missing their dad very much as he chose to go and live in perth and I am in Kiama:o ....he doesn't come over very much at the moment its around every 3 months and his phone calls have dropped off they are lucky to hear from him once a month.

I have always had the view to keep the lines of communication open and he can call at any time and vice versa.:tiphat:

The good part is that his brother lives close by and has been and continues to be very supportive of me and he loves kids, and he helps me a lot which I am so thankful for and he often has us over for dinner on a friday night, so in that respect they have that male figure which is great which also takes the pressure off.:tiphat:

Any ideas? Suggestions? Comments? thanks!

A difficult situation to be sure.

As for his choice and where he is going, well, that is after all HIS choice. focus on what you said about a win win, cause he will be a FAR better father to your kids if he is indeed happy.

He is obviously lost in himself right now, and sure that's hard for your kids, but in time he should realise his folly and up the contact. If he doesn't, well bottom line is the kids are probably better off without him. It's a hard spot.

I guess all you can really do is continue to be the best mum you can be, try and not get too political and in cahoots with his family, and continue to be the role model to all. If "he" sees you turn his mum etc against him, well, it will only add more distance. Come from your heart, and even if YOU aren't that keen on doing it for him, do it on behalf of your kids as you already are. Just keep asking "What is best for them??"

I take my hat off to you, and to any single parent in these sorts of situations, they are so difficult.

It sounds like YOU are doing a superb job to me!!:tiphat:

Tough situation.

Go into your heart and take time to listern to your inner being - you know the correct steps to take. Keeping the communication open and being honest with the girls is the best you can do.

From a child's point (going back to my childhood) All I wanted was for my parents just to be honest and respect each other. I knew they hated or had their differences - just a child does not needto really see this all the time.

I think you are doing extremely well and his brother sounds like a great contact for the girls. He will wake up some day asto what is his missing out on- just hope for his sake it is not to late!

Wishing you and the girls all the best!:wave:

what ever is, is!

suzie as long as you are not causing conflict then there is nothing else to do. it is his responsibility to decide how much he gives his children be at peace with that and the kids will be happy too. it is only when you have expectations that the vibe will rub off on the kids and they will feel deprived. treat what he does as 'normal'.
if you act as if it is normal for daddy to phone once a month the kids will accept that even if they would 'like' more. do you get what I am saying? not that little contact is right but that you can make it right for them.


love and hugs

FAQ

I'm sorry that your kids have to go through that. It's a shame he chooses to live far and have such little contact. Unfortunately all you can do is be there for them. It sounds as if you're a great parent and you're doing everything you can do. I think the younger they are, the easier it is for them because they don't truly understand, at least thats what I've noticed in some cases. How do the boys handle it and how old are they?

I know this as I have seen pictures..:yikes:


LMAO...... No words:surrender:

You're a good Mom Sus,

I think you are on the right path and doing what is best for your children, right now as it is. Just keep being positive. THAT will affect your children more than anything. :)

Oh geez thanks so much for the feedback!
Great, from what you have all said I am handling it the best way possible!

Today I am laughing so thats good! eh!

Yes its good that the girls are so young for them its normal. Alex(my eldest daughter) would like daddy to pick her up from school...so. I have let my ex know so that next time he comes over that can be arranged. its important that the girls know they are love by both mum and dad even though mum and dad don't live together any more.

Gabrielle (she is nearly 3)...asks me " Where's my daddy, mummy".....now thats a tad challenging to answer so I give her a cuddle and tell her daddy is in perth and will visit her soon. The funny thing is whenever we go shopping every guy she spots she yells out "There's my daddy, hello daddy"..LOL ah its good to laugh, even though it does feel a bit sad at times.

Ah life.......

I'm sorry that your kids have to go through that. It's a shame he chooses to live far and have such little contact. Unfortunately all you can do is be there for them. It sounds as if you're a great parent and you're doing everything you can do. I think the younger they are, the easier it is for them because they don't truly understand, at least thats what I've noticed in some cases. How do the boys handle it and how old are they?

Thanks Joanne. The boys are 13(adrian) and 10(Peter).
Adrian loves living with his dad, Peter has only recently gone to love there so time will tell but I am calling him a couple of times a week to say hi and see how he is. Peter is probably going to find this situation a bit more challenging than the others to deal with as I have noticed he doesn't always cope well with sudden change.....so I am keeping an eye on things and have discussed this with my ex husband.

[QUOTE=susannah01au;22202]
Gabrielle (she is nearly 3)...asks me " Where's my daddy, mummy".....now thats a tad challenging to answer
Girl I know exactly what you mean......the good thing with them at that age though is that they haven't learned how to be sad for long periods, you know, like depressed, so once you give them an answer they're happy(till the next time god knows what reminds them that daddy is not there). The funny thing is whenever we go shopping every guy she spots she yells out "There's my daddy, hello daddy"..LOL ah its good to laugh, even though it does feel a bit sad at times. :rofl: That is so freaking funny, my daughter used to do the same, let me just say sometimes the men didn't take it very kindly, specially when they had their wives clung to their arm. Kinda embarassing for you cuz the man is looking at you like, "I know I possibly could have fathered one that I didn't mean to but I don't think it's that one" LMAO
Ah life.....Ah live life......challenges, the exciting part of uncertainty, ride it Suz, you'll look back someday and chuckle, and probably feel you wouln't change that experience even if you could......

As I look this over, the suggestions I have are to keep the lines of honest communication open with your ex, your children, his family and soon to be new wife. Also identify a source of guidance for you and your children. Don't be too proud to ask for help. If you notice big changes in the behavior of your children or they become withdrawn, seek counselling. You only get one chance at raising them..... there are no "do-overs".

Best of luck to you!
gm

Yes I so agree Coach Morse. I have had counselling myself the first 2 years and the kiddies too. I have discussed this with my ex too..so fingers crossed there...