Hi Everyone -

I have just read through Chazper's entire thread about becoming a positive flirt (late night, couldn't sleep). You all had some awesome advice for him. I have a similar dilemma.

I recently ended a very toxic long-term relationship (and feel totally great about it!). Now I am finding that my skills, when it comes to the art of the flirt, are a bit rusty. My hobbies and work keep me around guys a lot, but they are all my friends so I can't hone my skills on them...or can I?

What does a girl have to do to become a positive flirt (and not the trampy, bimboesque kind either)? I'd just like to make some new friends and get back into the dating game. Words from the wise?

Thanks!

HG

Read Chaz thread again and pretend everything that was said to him was being said to you about flirting with men. The prinicples are the same... be interesting, be confident, be unique, be fun to be around. BE what you want to attract.

-CP

Great advice, CP. You have said that several times here, and I think it's a point that bears repeating....

BE the type of person you want to attract into your life.

Or, as :yoda: would say it,

"The person to attract you want to.......BE."

Read Chaz thread again and pretend everything that was said to him was being said to you about flirting with men. The prinicples are the same... be interesting, be confident, be unique, be fun to be around. BE what you want to attract.

-CP

Agreed but eyes are also a big factor....

Agreed but eyes are also a big factor....


Can you tell me what you mean by eyes being a factor?

I know all that about being the type of person I'd like to attract. I believe I am. I need the mechanics of getting back into chatting up guys. I've been a "friend" for so long, that I've forgotten how to "bat my eyelashes". Where do I start? Chaz was chatting up girls in a department store - do I do the girl equivalent and go chat up the guy that fixes my car? I think it may be easier for guys to start conversations with girls than the other way around.

I think it may be easier for guys to start conversations with girls than the other way around.

Yes, we are born with an extra gene in our double-helix DNA called the TTW gene. It allows us to somehow easily and comfortably Talk To Women and always be a natural at it.
NOT!!!
There's no easy way to get around it... like Chaz, ya gotta put yourself out there and risk rejection. And chances are, you WILL get rejected.
The good news? The more you do it, the better you'll get. You'll learn that people rarely react completely negatively to being flirted with. And Even if they do, you'll realize (after one or two experiences that sting a little), that it wasn't about you. 90% of the time, it aint about us.

Start by being feminine. Dress in feminine clothes if you're going out. Sweats are a no-no unless you're just having a bum-around-the-house day. Wear some light perfume. Smile. Men are generally attracted to these things. Tilt the odds in your favor, then flirt. You'll find you have a much greater success rate.

Best of luck... we're here for ya...

-CP

p.s. I like AWS, but ignore the eyes comment. Genetics have seen fit to give you the eyes you have. Nothing you can do about that. But you CAN change the way you dress, the way you carry yourself, the way you smile directly at guys, the way you initiate conversations... work on the things you can change, chica...

Well it just so happens I have a book called "Things a woman should know about seduction"

it says " A good seductress is no bimbo; she knows the mind is all important when it comes to seduction. She's got an understanding of psychology, linguistics, and all those other subliminal things that make men tick.. seduction is a subtle enticement, rather than an open invitation.

There are many types of seductress as there are men to seduce. What you need to do is is let your own inner seductress free. The best way to behave is naturally. No matter how deep down it is, every woman has a super vixen somewhere inside her, ready to jump out!

If you own something that makes you feel fabulous every time you wear it, a piece of jewelry, item of clothing, or whatever - wear it. It's even better if it is a conversation piece; the more ways you have to start chatting with someone, the better.

Let saucy thoughts run through your mind.. Your pupils will dilate which makes you look more attractive.

You can be an Innocent seductress like Marilyn Monroe, The Intellectual like Lauren Becall or Katherine Hepburn, or The Brazen Babe like Mae West or Madonna.

That is just a few tips from the book. ;)

Hi Everyone -

I have just read through Chazper's entire thread about becoming a positive flirt (late night, couldn't sleep). You all had some awesome advice for him. I have a similar dilemma.

I recently ended a very toxic long-term relationship (and feel totally great about it!). Now I am finding that my skills, when it comes to the art of the flirt, are a bit rusty. My hobbies and work keep me around guys a lot, but they are all my friends so I can't hone my skills on them...or can I?

What does a girl have to do to become a positive flirt (and not the trampy, bimboesque kind either)? I'd just like to make some new friends and get back into the dating game. Words from the wise?

Thanks!

HG

Hi HG,

I've made a new lady friend (or is it the other way around?)... she's so friendly due to the fact that she is a positive flirt. What I like about her

1. She is funny.
2. She makes me feel wanted. When she passes by my cubicle, she stops and say Hi Chazper!... Even now that we work on different work site, she still has the time to call me up. She gathers the whole gang, go out, and have fun...
3. She knows my needs and wants and she offers help. Example, I said I need to buy nice new clothes but I don't want to buy expensive clothes no more (I feel guilty spending too much)... she said that she knows a place where I can buy cheap but nice clothes... and she happens to have the same need to buy new clothes... she said we could buy together... so a shopping date was made :)
4. She wraps her arms around my left or right arm when she asks a favor.
5. She makes me feel that we are friends for a long long time... even if we've just met for two months.
6. She's enthusiastic about everything. Example, she bought a new cellphone complete with all the nifty stuff and she shows it to us... and takes pictures of us one by one with her... she is like a small child doing funny stuff.
7. She's talkative (I'm not sure if I like this, because sometime she distracts me from my work he he).

If only she's single I'll ask her out for a romantic date. Anyway, it's nice to have a friend like her, I'm learning a thing or two from her about flirting. The only thing that stops me is the fear of rejection.... and I'm working on it.

Best Regards :rulz:
Chaz

Thanks again everyone for the great advice. I've been spending a lot of time thinking about this and I really feel like when a person gets into a relationship, they either "turn off" or lose touch with that flirting skill. I can strike up a conversation with a man anywhere, but it's that "zing" I'm missing. What is that little difference that turns a "hey how's it going? great surf today" into a "hey how's it going, wanna go get some coffee?" Is it just confidence like Cerebral Primate said? Maybe I do need to get over my fear of rejection.

Chazper - thanks for your post. I know you have been making an awesome effort to change your behavior - I admire that. I am finding courage in your words. I'll be going home for the holiday. My brother is bringing three friends home with him. I think I'll test drive some of the suggestions you all provided. I'll let you know how it goes.

Cerebral Primate - I Never Ever wear sweat pants - not even to work out. They, along with track suits and high-waisted jeans, ought to be outlawed.

Well it just so happens I have a book called "Things a woman should know about seduction"

it says " A good seductress is no bimbo; she knows the mind is all important when it comes to seduction. She's got an understanding of psychology, linguistics, and all those other subliminal things that make men tick.. seduction is a subtle enticement, rather than an open invitation.

There are many types of seductress as there are men to seduce. What you need to do is is let your own inner seductress free. The best way to behave is naturally. No matter how deep down it is, every woman has a super vixen somewhere inside her, ready to jump out!

If you own something that makes you feel fabulous every time you wear it, a piece of jewelry, item of clothing, or whatever - wear it. It's even better if it is a conversation piece; the more ways you have to start chatting with someone, the better.

Let saucy thoughts run through your mind.. Your pupils will dilate which makes you look more attractive.

You can be an Innocent seductress like Marilyn Monroe, The Intellectual like Lauren Becall or Katherine Hepburn, or The Brazen Babe like Mae West or Madonna.

That is just a few tips from the book. ;)
hmmmmmmm ...... interesting point ...... is Seduction the same as Flirting? I don't see them the same at all. Flirting is more of a Rapport-thing, where Seduction is typically used as a Control Mechanism to some degree, either Major or minor.

hmmmmmmm ...... interesting point ...... is Seduction the same as Flirting? I don't see them the same at all. Flirting is more of a Rapport-thing, where Seduction is typically used as a Control Mechanism to some degree, either Major or minor.

Agreed. I think you would be seducing someone you had already gone past the flirting stage with. IMO, flirting can have absolutely not much to do with sex, while seduction is about getting somebody to want you in that way. My take.

Every word I say, by definition, is my word. It's a promise... the truth as I see it.

So, it is confidence. Period. End of story. (example of confidence?)

Well, not quite the end of the story. That aint gonna help a whole lot. So I'll give you some anecdotal evidence. My last gf, a fitness competitor, had never before called a guy in her life. I came into her store for my first pair of glasses (ever) and we talked about lifting and competitions and all that. We really hit it off and she dropped several hints in the conversation. I let it go cuz I knew I'd be back the next day to get my shades, plus I wasnt quite sure I wanted to jump into anything. The next day, I came in and asked for my glasses and instead the co-worker goes back to get the girl I was talking to the day before. I flirt a little, but walk off without getting or giving a number. That night, she calls me on my phone, using the number the doc got from me... she's nervous as hell (which I think is very cute) and we talk for a while and based solely on her courage to call, I ask her to meet me for lunch. We dated for 2 years.

Point of the story? I was ready to walk away. She was cute, incredible body, a few tattoo's (I LOVE a bad girl), but I wasn't really looking at the time. But based on her flirting, we hooked up.

My advice, spend more time getting in touch with your sexuality and your femininity rather than trying to be one of the guys. Let guys see that feminine side. Be confident about your feminine prowess... be at ease with letting a guy know you are interested. It's BS that a guy should ALWAYS make the first move or ask YOU out... in this world, if you want something you have to pursue it! Go after it with all ya got, cuz you only get one time around this life...

-CP

If you know you've got something to offer then you'll have no problem attracting guys, and I'm not necessarily talking body here, necessarily here, necessarily. You have to act like you know when you've got me and then crawl away looking back. This is hard to pull off unless you're for real and see someone gravitating towards you over time. You have to make me want to interrupt your walk path to talk to you. You have to be a sweetheart girl who tilts her head and brings me your present as if you'd made a mistake and taken what's mine.

...in this world, if you want something you have to pursue it! Go after it with all ya got, cuz you only get one time around this life...

-CP

You are absolutely right. I've never had a problem "going for it" in all other aspects of my life - just need to apply the same passion to finding that certain someone (and have a heck of a time doing the searching!)

Thanks again to everyone who responded. You guys had some great suggestions. I'll keep you posted on my adventures!