Awake at Last
01-28-2007, 08:24 PM
This quote below is from a thread I started on August 24, 2006 in another forum I’ve been thinking about writing about this for a while but kept asking myself, “what is the point? What is your outcome?” And I’m not sure that I have an answer to those questions. I guess it’s just a matter of throwing it out here for thoughts, comments, insights, etc. Sometimes there’s great value in the simplest of input from others.
Oh…….so you’d like to know what “this” is :p ?
Okay, here’s the scoop. I’ve been seeing a guy for a while and when we started seeing each other we both stated that neither of us was looking for a serious relationship, as both of us have been recently divorced. It was nice to have that established up front. His focus is to get some things together in his life which would allow him to eventually move closer to where his kids live, and/or have enough money to be able to live somewhere else (i.e. not where I live or where his kids live) and fly to visit his kids whenever he wants. My focus is to get my bearings after going through the divorce, to learn to live independently, and be there for my kids. We both love the way things are with us – we have a lot of fun, and share excitement about personal growth and life. All this without the pressure of a long-term commitment. We’ve talked about taking some vacations together, and about me possibly meeting some of his family “some day” (they live far away from me). So we do talk about “the future”, but it’s all in a non-committed way.
The problem? I’ve realized that I may be in too deep. I care about him waaayyyyyy too much and sometimes when I think about “the end”, when he moves away, it makes me want to cry. And so my instinct tells me I should just end it right now, before I get more attached to him. Just cut my losses and let it go. Just don’t date anyone for a while (yikes!) and focus on me, me, me (and my family, of course). But then I realized that I really want to someday meet someone I could fall in love with and start a “second” life with. But that takes a lot of work, time, and commitment and I have enough other important things to focus on right now in my life. But I really want to have a man in my life.
So you can see how mixed up my feelings are on all of this. Back & forth on what I really want. But ya know what I realized? The only thing that brings me pain in this relationship is knowing that it will end some day, and probably not too far in the future. My instinct is to protect my heart from heartache and end it now before I get more attached to him. I mean who would set themselves up for heartache?
But then I realized how my situation reflects life. We all go through life knowing that it will end some day. We don’t know when it will be, but we know it’s certain. So since I know my life will end some day and I continue to move through it not worrying about the end, I should be able to approach this relationship the same way. Simple, huh? Sure :o .
The responses to that thread were interesting and varied, ranging from “why leave a good thing – life is short, enjoy it while you can”, to “life is short, why waste time on a relationship that’s going nowhere – free yourself to find ‘Mr. Right’”. At some point I’d decided to end my relationship so that I could free myself up to meeting someone who was interested in the possibility of a long-term relationship, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it since I was so happy with the current one.
I’m reposting it here because I have learned some things I want to share with everyone. The “end” came last Tuesday. He told me a few weeks ago that he was moving back to Canada to be closer to his kids and pursue a great business opportunity. Even though I knew this would eventually happen, it took me by surprise and before I knew it I was helping him pack and then said goodbye.
What I’ve learned from this and what I want to advise people on is this: if you’ve got a good thing going, don’t leave it in pursuit of greener pastures. Cherish it and enjoy every minute of it. I am so glad that I didn’t end this just because I was afraid of “getting in too deep” (i.e. getting hurt) or because I wanted to search for something better. I have NO REGRETS in this respect.
Jim & I met on another success/personal development-type forum and shared the desire to continually grow personally; we had many long chat sessions and phone calls along these lines before he moved to be closer to where I live. He was my best friend, lover, encourager, confidant, playmate, and just-hang-around favorite person to be with. He is a kind, gentle, fun-loving & crazy :rulz: man who has always treated me well. We have both become better people because of each other and our lives will never be the same. He & I will forever be great friends and some elements of the relationship will remain the same. We’re just 2,000 miles apart now and I probably won’t see him for a long time. :cry:
So now I am truly single for the first time in 24 years. No husband, no boyfriend. Just me! I’m gonna try this out for a while & then perhaps go searching for Mr. Right. Who knows – maybe I’ll decide I like being single so much that I’ll keep it that way for a long time!
Oh…….so you’d like to know what “this” is :p ?
Okay, here’s the scoop. I’ve been seeing a guy for a while and when we started seeing each other we both stated that neither of us was looking for a serious relationship, as both of us have been recently divorced. It was nice to have that established up front. His focus is to get some things together in his life which would allow him to eventually move closer to where his kids live, and/or have enough money to be able to live somewhere else (i.e. not where I live or where his kids live) and fly to visit his kids whenever he wants. My focus is to get my bearings after going through the divorce, to learn to live independently, and be there for my kids. We both love the way things are with us – we have a lot of fun, and share excitement about personal growth and life. All this without the pressure of a long-term commitment. We’ve talked about taking some vacations together, and about me possibly meeting some of his family “some day” (they live far away from me). So we do talk about “the future”, but it’s all in a non-committed way.
The problem? I’ve realized that I may be in too deep. I care about him waaayyyyyy too much and sometimes when I think about “the end”, when he moves away, it makes me want to cry. And so my instinct tells me I should just end it right now, before I get more attached to him. Just cut my losses and let it go. Just don’t date anyone for a while (yikes!) and focus on me, me, me (and my family, of course). But then I realized that I really want to someday meet someone I could fall in love with and start a “second” life with. But that takes a lot of work, time, and commitment and I have enough other important things to focus on right now in my life. But I really want to have a man in my life.
So you can see how mixed up my feelings are on all of this. Back & forth on what I really want. But ya know what I realized? The only thing that brings me pain in this relationship is knowing that it will end some day, and probably not too far in the future. My instinct is to protect my heart from heartache and end it now before I get more attached to him. I mean who would set themselves up for heartache?
But then I realized how my situation reflects life. We all go through life knowing that it will end some day. We don’t know when it will be, but we know it’s certain. So since I know my life will end some day and I continue to move through it not worrying about the end, I should be able to approach this relationship the same way. Simple, huh? Sure :o .
The responses to that thread were interesting and varied, ranging from “why leave a good thing – life is short, enjoy it while you can”, to “life is short, why waste time on a relationship that’s going nowhere – free yourself to find ‘Mr. Right’”. At some point I’d decided to end my relationship so that I could free myself up to meeting someone who was interested in the possibility of a long-term relationship, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it since I was so happy with the current one.
I’m reposting it here because I have learned some things I want to share with everyone. The “end” came last Tuesday. He told me a few weeks ago that he was moving back to Canada to be closer to his kids and pursue a great business opportunity. Even though I knew this would eventually happen, it took me by surprise and before I knew it I was helping him pack and then said goodbye.
What I’ve learned from this and what I want to advise people on is this: if you’ve got a good thing going, don’t leave it in pursuit of greener pastures. Cherish it and enjoy every minute of it. I am so glad that I didn’t end this just because I was afraid of “getting in too deep” (i.e. getting hurt) or because I wanted to search for something better. I have NO REGRETS in this respect.
Jim & I met on another success/personal development-type forum and shared the desire to continually grow personally; we had many long chat sessions and phone calls along these lines before he moved to be closer to where I live. He was my best friend, lover, encourager, confidant, playmate, and just-hang-around favorite person to be with. He is a kind, gentle, fun-loving & crazy :rulz: man who has always treated me well. We have both become better people because of each other and our lives will never be the same. He & I will forever be great friends and some elements of the relationship will remain the same. We’re just 2,000 miles apart now and I probably won’t see him for a long time. :cry:
So now I am truly single for the first time in 24 years. No husband, no boyfriend. Just me! I’m gonna try this out for a while & then perhaps go searching for Mr. Right. Who knows – maybe I’ll decide I like being single so much that I’ll keep it that way for a long time!