I've heard so many times that if you're looking for a potential mate, it's very important to know specifically what you want. Create a list of all the characteristics you want and get specific. Know what's unacceptable also. Put it out to the Universe (or whatever...) and eventually you will find him/her.

But I've also witnessed many people who are so busy trying to find someone who fits all their criteria that they end up being single for way too long! You know, they are nice people but I think miss out on what could have been a good thing, because they were being too fussy.

I totally agree that we must have SOME rules/criteria or we'll settle for anything. That's a no-brainer. But do you think it's really necessary to have so many rules? Maybe it's best to just let nature take its course...?

Very good question!

I think it's important to have a few guidelines when looking for a partner, but I would never go as far to write up a list of all the characteristics. I feel that dehumanises the whole process of love. Right now I'm happy just meeting different women and seeing so much variety. Perhaps later in my life I'll be more rigid about what I'm looking for in a woman.

Has "letting nature take it's course" found you the right man yet? If so, groovy!

If not, remember the wisest of the wise sayings:

If you change nothing, than nothing will change.

Try it.

Jennifer

I think it's fine to have one of those lists.

Just keep in mind that there is a difference between Ms Right and Ms Right-now. Just because you haven't found the perfect one doesn't mean you have to be alone waiting. Besides, those others who come along while you wait may just help you to refine your concept of who it is that you're waiting for!

-CP

Screw rules!!!!!

I think it's fine to have one of those lists.

Just keep in mind that there is a difference between Ms Right and Ms Right-now. Just because you haven't found the perfect one doesn't mean you have to be alone waiting. Besides, those others who come along while you wait may just help you to refine your concept of who it is that you're waiting for!

-CP

Amen, brutha. Just spent a fabu weekend w/ Mr. Right Now...it was totally awesome and groovy and all that stuff.

Has "letting nature take it's course" found you the right man yet? Just started looking....

Besides, those others who come along while you wait may just help you to refine your concept of who it is that you're waiting for! -CP

That is an excellent point!! :rulz:

Screw rules!!!!! :rofl:

Just spent a fabu weekend w/ Mr. Right Now...it was totally awesome and groovy and all that stuff. Oooh la la!! You go, girl!! :rulz:

Oooh la la!! You go, girl!! :rulz:

I can't wait to hear about your adventures (not too much detail though!) I do want that special relationship with that special person....but man oh man are those "weekend specials" well.....SPECIAL! :yup:

You may not believe this, but I already feel so much free-er thinking about this in terms of "Mr. Right" vs. "Mr. Right Now". I am reminded that I can go out with a guy just for the fun of it and not worry right away if he meets all of my expectations, or be concerned about "wasting time" on someone who may not end up being "Mr. Right". I can have fun and learn as I go! :yippee: Just don't want to leave too many broken hearts along the road behind me :D !

I think it helps to be as specific as possible. Make up a collage! Write out the qualities and personality traits you want in a man. Never settle... settling only gets you what you don't want. State it only in the positive, say it loud send it up to the universe... and wait for LOA to kick in. Of course, you have to be willing to kiss a few frogs until you meet the right one too! Mr. Right isn't going to show up on your doorstep, without you taking some action to get out of the house! Have faith, that you WILL meet the right man in time.

I've heard so many times that if you're looking for a potential mate, it's very important to know specifically what you want. Create a list of all the characteristics you want and get specific. Know what's unacceptable also. Put it out to the Universe (or whatever...) and eventually you will find him/her.

But I've also witnessed many people who are so busy trying to find someone who fits all their criteria that they end up being single for way too long! You know, they are nice people but I think miss out on what could have been a good thing, because they were being too fussy.

I totally agree that we must have SOME rules/criteria or we'll settle for anything. That's a no-brainer. But do you think it's really necessary to have so many rules? Maybe it's best to just let nature take its course...?

In a friendly way, I completely disagree with you entirely, A.A.L.

I believe that you will attract similar people if you believe in yourself and carry yourself with dignity and self respect. As soon as you whip out the list and check people off like you're buying a car, I think you're doomed.

IMO.

Tom makes some good points, but I think we attract the people into our life, so we can grow. Eventually, we learn to not settle for 2nd best!

There is a saying I have always disliked, but find a lot of truth in it: We become one parent, and marry the other..." So if you want to look at what you need to fix about you, in order to attract a better mate - look at your parents relationship. I am not saying it is 100% true for everyone, but it does help us form our ideas of what we think a good relationship it. Often those thoughts are so deeply buried, and working on an unconscious level, we don't even know it! You have to be, the kind of person you want to attract. :yup:

You may not believe this, but I already feel so much free-er thinking about this in terms of "Mr. Right" vs. "Mr. Right Now". I am reminded that I can go out with a guy just for the fun of it and not worry right away if he meets all of my expectations, or be concerned about "wasting time" on someone who may not end up being "Mr. Right". I can have fun and learn as I go! :yippee: Just don't want to leave too many broken hearts along the road behind me :D !

Amen sista.

Self-development people THINK too much...

Jennifer

...

I totally agree that we must have SOME rules/criteria or we'll settle for anything. That's a no-brainer. But do you think it's really necessary to have so many rules? Maybe it's best to just let nature take its course...?

You've answered your own question.

Personal rules, by definition, take the shape of the person writing. Some people have physical traits in mind, some mental, some action-oriented, some hobby-oriented, etc. Therefore the amount of rules or specificity of them is personal. There is nothing I can say that will be right for you.

We all know people on either extreme, the person who will date anyone to keep from having time to think about their lives and the person whose inflated ego keeps them from "Settling" with someone who isn't right for them.

I will say this though. I knew people who openly admitted that they "settled" with their spouse- BOTH parties would joke about that. They were awful together and made a terrible couple, completely unpleasant to be around. Both privately admitted to my wife and I that they shouldn't have kids because they weren't a solid couple. they both wanted to get married before 30 and DID!

I also had a friend who wasn't so good looking but who had money and only asked out women who were stunning and he got nowhere. We'd try to fix him up and he'd balk, thinking this one or that one was too old (within a few years of his age) or not attractive enough. I also knew a mildly unattractive woman who had a FANTASTIC boyfriend, millionaire orthodontist, nice house, porsche, who was nerdy and into star trek, who dropped him because he was "boring." and as far as I know is really angry that she's not getting dates.

So quite simply, I think people should really write their personal "rules" carefully, deciding what they really want and then going for it. If you want to meet a millionaire then put yourself in situations where you do. If you want to meet someone in top physical shape, get yourself there first.

My only rule was that I was tired of meeting women who were crazy losers (I hung out with musicians) and wanted someone going someplace and met my future wife, who also hung out with musicians, while she was getting her PhD. As soon as I realized that she was pretty, nice, funny AND getting her PhD I asked her out rather than think about it. That's a way these rules could work well.

SS

I always find it a litle unsavoury that someone should be 'looking' for a mate. And to make a list of required characteristics is - as has been said - too much like shopping for a new car. That's how I bought my last stereo - checking the specifications!

I say, if you are single, BE single - date, meet people, have fun, hang out with likeminded folk, not because that's where you'll find a potential partner, but simply because likeminded people are the people you are more likely to enjoy.

There are lots of people out there you could love and with whom you could make a good life. I do not go with the romantic notion that there is one person for everybody who is the perfect match. You can have a perfect relationship with anyone - most (I think it's more than 50% in the US, these days) choose not to.

My approach would be - enjoy being single, make the most of it, party on! You will find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with soon enough.

There are lots of people out there you could love and with whom you could make a good life. I do not go with the romantic notion that there is one person for everybody who is the perfect match.

I hate to even admit this, but I actually visualized the spaghetti sauce display in our local supermarket when I thought about this concept: It's like, there are a bunch of different kinds of spaghetti sauce, and within the general category, there are 5 or more varieties each of garlic & roasted red pepper sauce, tomato & basil sauce, sauces with meat, veggie-only sauce....the same basic ingredients are there, it's sometimes a matter of the way the ingredients are blended that will cause you to choose one brand over another. Simplistic, and appetizing. Now I want spaghetti!

But I've also witnessed many people who are so busy trying to find someone who fits all their criteria that they end up being single for way too long! You know, they are nice people but I think miss out on what could have been a good thing, because they were being too fussy.

I totally agree that we must have SOME rules/criteria or we'll settle for anything. That's a no-brainer. But do you think it's really necessary to have so many rules? Maybe it's best to just let nature take its course...? It isn't so much "The Rules" but how you play the game that determines the Results. The above example is of a search, of MAKING "It" Happen while being "fussy". ewwwww.

Do You need to know what you want? Absolutely! What you don't want? Yes, to a lesser degree, but I know a stronger way to get what you want is to state it like a "want" or "desire" or "get to", not as a "don't" or can't." eww. eww.

The Ideal He/She List ~ Be Specific
In creating "My Ideal She" List in late 1997, I came up with about 49 detailed qualities I saw in My MadamRayz. But, when sharing this list with a Friend, She told me that I had too many “things” on my list, and My Mind would be confused with too many things at the same time. hmmmmmmm …………….. I eventually pared that back to 6 major areas with 13 qualities total.

In the areas of Who She was, and looked like and kids and ready for Lovin’ and all that stuff, My Goddess was right there! In Hearts AND Spades! But, in the area of Spiritual Beliefs, I wrote something really airy-fairy like “She believes in the Higher Powers of the Universe” or something equally as fluffy, in part because I didn’t want to “limit” who I might attract to me. And, that’s what I got ….. a Goddess who absolutely believed in the Higher Powers of the Universe, but She saw that higher power not from the same MetaPhysical all-encompassing vantage point of This Wizard, but from a vantage point of a Jehovah's Witness. YIKES! That’s about as 180 degrees apart as two people can possible get! Lesson learned! In reality, even my original list of 49 was not quite specific enough.

Ideal HE
Because of that experience, I ALWAYS say to be rich and exquisite in your Details and Descriptions, and don’t spare the sauce! You are not limiting who you might find, but you ARE identifying and Expressing who You REALLY WANT, and what HE will Be! Take Your Time …….. You are Creating Your Future Man!

Ideal ME
So, now that you have The Ideal He, it’s time to do The Ideal ME! Who Do I need to be to attract and Captivate this Adonis of a Man? What do I need to Change? Enhance? Eliminate? Embellish? Excise? Encourage? Entice? Who is it I need to Grow Into to Be with My Ideal He? Be brave here, and come from a place of Openness and Willingness to Transform and Grow and Flourish!

Ideal ..... WE!
OK …….. now you’ve got the Ideal He ‘n’ Me …….. but yer not quite done yet! There’s one more step to go! Create a similar list as those two, but write the Ideal WE. Who do WE need to Be for each other, as a Team, as a Couple, as a Loving Partnership, as a Sexual Expression, as a Social Unit, as a ……….. well, as a WE!

‘zat enough for you? I think so! Will it happen in one sitting? Maybe, but that is not the point of this Creative FunShoppe. The point here is to FEEL OutSide the Box, and KNOW that is the REAL He, Me & We.

Have FUN with this one! It’s a Biggie! And a Funnie too!




PS .....
The point here is not to put this list in your pocket and check off each quality as you continually refer to this list with each new Guy or Gal. The point IS to get real clear in Who You want to Attract and Notice. Create Your Lists, and then tuck them away. Your Other-Than-Conscious Mind now has a set of Instructions, and now knows what it/You REALLY wants.

Well ... at least Joanne and Manta pretty much see eye to eye on this one :D

BUMP!!!!

I just read this old thread from 2007................
and thought it had some great information in it and food for thought. :coffee:

SO BUMP, BUMP, BUMP!!! :thumb:


Cheers to Food for Thought!!! :popcorn2:
GGG

BUMP!!!!


Funny to re-read this thread...I actually did have a list of things I wanted and things I didn't want. I had this rule that I did not want to be involved with someone who was a hunter, a fisherman, and/or a NASCAR fan. Well, it turns out that I ended up with someone who hunts (two-legged creatures only) and a fisherman. He is also an Eagle Scout though, and it is that part of his personality that makes those activities perfectly palatable to me. He learned to hunt and fish as a part of the whole Scouting experience, and he enjoys those activities with his father (who is almost 80) and his son. I love to see the three of them getting ready to go off on a fishing trip...it's truly heart-warming. :)

In fact, I came to realize that the root of why I didn't want the hunting/fishing/NASCAR type is that I had a faulty assumption around these activities. Well, it's not really a faulty assumption, considering the area of the US where I live...I had known many guys who engage in these activities who also did a lot of smoking and drinking, but my boyfriend has never smoked, nor has he ever taken a drink.

So there you go! I am even learning to fish. Hunting? Not so much. But I may go out to the shooting range and learn to shoot at a paper target.

Wow... even Superman posted in this thread :(

Funny to re-read this thread...I actually did have a list of things I wanted and things I didn't want. I had this rule that I did not want to be involved with someone who was a hunter, a fisherman, and/or a NASCAR fan. Well, it turns out that I ended up with someone who hunts (two-legged creatures only) and a fisherman. He is also an Eagle Scout though, and it is that part of his personality that makes those activities perfectly palatable to me. He learned to hunt and fish as a part of the whole Scouting experience, and he enjoys those activities with his father (who is almost 80) and his son. I love to see the three of them getting ready to go off on a fishing trip...it's truly heart-warming. :)

In fact, I came to realize that the root of why I didn't want the hunting/fishing/NASCAR type is that I had a faulty assumption around these activities. Well, it's not really a faulty assumption, considering the area of the US where I live...I had known many guys who engage in these activities who also did a lot of smoking and drinking, but my boyfriend has never smoked, nor has he ever taken a drink.

So there you go! I am even learning to fish. Hunting? Not so much. But I may go out to the shooting range and learn to shoot at a paper target.



Hi Julia,

Thanks for the update....... Interesting stuff!!! :)

I had to laugh because my ex-husband was an avid hunter and fisherman and your story made my cringe :nails: just a little bit…….LOL!!! (The hunting part not the fishing part)

I grew up in a non-hunting family and used to argue with hunters when I was young. Then I met my husband and he was handsome and he was an ethical hunter and NOT a trophy hunter and the way he explained it made me not want to argue with him. :o LOL!!!

However, after we said “I Do” his true addiction to hunting and fishing came out and that’s all he talked about and that's all he did 24/7. From what I experienced in my marriage, if I meet up with another hunter, I think I am going to RUN!!!! :eek: LOL!!!

Also, Guys that watch sports on TV 24/7!!! Yikes RUN!!! I have never been with the 24/7 Sports TV Guy and I don’t think I could handle it. :hopeless:

Hmmmmmm………..
What does this leave me then??????? :confused: :hmm: :cookoo: :dontknow:
Manless???? :biglaugh: LOL!! LOL!!


Cheers! :D ;)
GGG

It's up to us to make or break the rules of society's vision of "The One" ;)