Heres a message which ive been sending to many people. Treat it as if im sending it to you personally, and let me know what you think. Here is it :
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Hi, i have a situation which you may be able to help me with.

Im a musician, im 31yo, and although i have a lot of ambition i dont seem to be living up to my potential. This applies to most areas of my life, not just music.

I think youre probably doing well in life based on the fact that youre doing what you do, and im sending this to many other people aswell. I would also imagine that most of your friends or those around you are successful in some way, or getting there.

I know i have what it takes to do well in life and ive gone through productive phases, but although ive tried many different ways to keep motivated, i keep quitting. Eventually i start again because my desire is always high, but it doesnt last long and i quit again. I have found that following advice or doing things in a certain way, and actually feeling the emotion of being motivated, are different things. Ive also discovered that a persons environment and habits are the biggest motivators, rather than just desire or knowing what to do. Thats why i believe that friends are a massive influence, but most of my friends are not good for me in this way.

Id like to have a social circle of people who are trying to be the best that they can be rather than coasting through life, successful people to be a good influence on me so that ill feel motivated by observing their actions, and just being around them. Good role models who are living advice, not just giving it, and people wholl build me up rather than drag me down. I really need advice on meeting people of this calibre, and ultimately their attitude is more important than their background or anything else. Im not asking you for any direct advice about improving my life in terms of music or any other area, and this isnt about networking. This is simply about making new friends, because i know that everything else can follow on from there. Ive got what it takes, but i just need a good team around me. With good influences, i know ill naturally apply myself more consistently, as i once did.

Id be interested to hear your thoughts on this. My email address is leafar17@hotmail.co.uk. Thanks.

Hi leafar, its leafar here. Im here to help you. I love you like i love myself.

The short version:

He wants advice on how to meet successful people who are positive role models.

Exactly. Nothing more, nothing less.

Leafar,

Contact your local city council and ask if there are any groups in your local area for professionals. In my city there are several groups geared towards networking. Some have weekly meetings while some meet every other month. Some are centered around volunteerism, others are geared towards business networking, and some have a more social component.

Yes good idea, ill look into that, although im more intereted in the social side of things rather than networking, but again, thats good advice, thanks.

I hope others reading this will also give me practical advice of this kind.

Spend 80% of your time around people that have achieved, or are in the process of achieving the outcomes you desire. Read, listen, and watch to everything you can get your hands on that conveys the message that anything is possible.

Avoid people, places, and things that drain you of your energy and spirit.

Before long, like a chamelion (sp?) you will take on the shape and color of all the positive things you have surrounded yourself with. You'll find yourself walking, talking, and thinking like a success. Wherever the head goes, the body follows.

Your new mindset and outlook will become as much a habit and as much a part of you as the old habits and old mindset was. It will no longer require a conscious effort to be the new you, as it will be as familiar as an old pair of shoes.

Spend 80% of your time around people that have achieved, or are in the process of achieving the outcomes you desire. Read, listen, and watch to everything you can get your hands on that conveys the message that anything is possible.

Avoid people, places, and things that drain you of your energy and spirit.
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Ok, but if i cut out those people, places and things, until theyre replaced ill be left with nothing. In your opinion or experience,do you think its ok to keep some of them just until i can replace them, or should i cut them out completely? The reason i ask is because for most of today ive had the tv off and ive been listening to motivational audio repeatedly. It feels good to constantly hear a voice saying the right stuff, but i feel a bit cranky.

I think i have a lot of good qualities that i can use to build a career, as well as improve my life in other ways, but the comparatively little (for my age, anyway) that ive achieved has progressed way too slowly. My life is nothing like it ought to be and can be.

Compared to what/whom? Who are your current role models? Can you give me an example of a person you would consider to be accomplished?

The reason why I ask is because it sounds to me like you are extremely dissatisfied with where you are right now. While that is a good position to find the leverage to be and do more, be careful. Often times it's easy to project unhappiness to others without being totally aware of it. Without getting to cosmic about this, on a subconscious level people can pick up on unhappiness, and positive upbeat people will tend to be repelled if they get a negative vibe. Likewise, negativity will stick to you like glue if that's what you're "asking for" with your demeanor.

Since I do not know you I can not say for sure if you are telegraphing dissatisfaction or not. The best thing to do would be to find a few people you can trust and ask them for feedback on how you're presenting yourself. If you want to attract positive people in your life you are going to have to be very aware of the message/body language you project at all times. I am not an expert at this by any means but I have become much more perceptive in catching myself in negative modes and can quickly turn it around.

I can relate and sympathize with your plight. I did some housecleaning recently and disconnected from all the negative people in my life. It's left a pretty big hole to fill with good stuff/people. It's slow going because I want to be sure I am surrounding myself with quality people and happiness so I can insulate myself from negativity and "be all I can be." It's work but it's worth the effort.

So if my advice doesn't help, at least you know you're not alone on this and there is someone else out there walking a parallel path.

Spend 80% of your time around people that have achieved, or are in the process of achieving the outcomes you desire. Read, listen, and watch to everything you can get your hands on that conveys the message that anything is possible.

Avoid people, places, and things that drain you of your energy and spirit.
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Ok, but if i cut out those people, places and things, until theyre replaced ill be left with nothing. In your opinion or experience,do you think its ok to keep some of them just until i can replace them, or should i cut them out completely? The reason i ask is because for most of today ive had the tv off and ive been listening to motivational audio repeatedly. It feels good to constantly hear a voice saying the right stuff, but i feel a bit cranky.

Cut off is a bit extreme, but you definitely need to limit your exposure to anyone or anything that may be inhibiting your progress. Until you are sharp enough mentally to process, filter, and reframe the negative that will come at you, you may have to sidestep people, places, and things.

Too much of anything, even a good thing, isnt necessarily good. The process should be gradual, as you need these habits to become ingrained and lifelong.

I think you should cut yourself off from any negative influences, even if that means you are left with no friends. Maybe that's drastic, but I think you are better off alone than surrounded by negative influences.

I think you should cut yourself off from any negative influences, even if that means you are left with no friends. Maybe that's drastic, but I think you are better off alone than surrounded by negative influences.

Word

Yes good idea, ill look into that, although im more intereted in the social side of things rather than networking, but again, thats good advice, thanks.

I hope others reading this will also give me practical advice of this kind.


Even if the group is primarily for networking and business related activities, it will serve as a spring board for meeting people with whom you can establish a social dynamic with outside the group.

Hey Max Power,

I think ill ask a couple of people how i come across, and ill try to bite my lip if they say anything that i dont like. Its an easy thing to ask, so ill do it.
In your experience, how has this approach worked, either for you or anyone you know? And how effective do you think it can be? (by the way, "comparatively" refers to my own potential, not anyone else of my age)

Mleighp1,

You may be right about cutting things out completely, although sometimes its better to make changes gradually. But today i had a call from a "friend" who when i told him i cant talk for long (actually i didnt want to talk to him at all) he replied "Oh, what is it, youve got an important errand, then?" (Implying that i dont have anything useful to do with myself) Its people like him who need to be avoided, even though hes a very entertaining character. Some "successful" people are quite boring characters, but i guess i have to compromise for now and seek them out.

Mleighp1,

You may be right about cutting things out completely, although sometimes its better to make changes gradually.

What are some benefits for making changes gradually? I'm not suggesting that there aren't any positive reasons to make changes gradually; I just want to make sure that you are clear what those reasons are. i.e., are they fear-based?

Hey Max Power,

I think ill ask a couple of people how i come across, and ill try to bite my lip if they say anything that i dont like. Its an easy thing to ask, so ill do it.
In your experience, how has this approach worked, either for you or anyone you know? And how effective do you think it can be? (by the way, "comparatively" refers to my own potential, not anyone else of my age)

I will warn you that hearing criticism can be a difficult thing at first. It's important that you ask someone who you can trust and truly wants to help. A toxic person might tell you negative things just to be mean about it.

Most people are caught off guard when you ask but then they are happy to help you out. They may even ask you to do the same for them when they start to see what you're trying to do for yourself.

This has worked for me just because luckily there are a few people in my life outside of my immediate family who want to see me happy and they're very candid about what they think is holding me back. I get advice from them even when I don't ask for it sometimes. I am assuming you are male, and if so I've found that women usually "get" what you're asking and are more helpful than guys are with this stuff for some reason.

I don't know if this will be effective for you but I think it's worth a try. I've just started doing this in the last few months but I've been very surprised at the feedback. For instance I always thought I had pretty good posture but it turns out I have a tendency to slump. So even when I was in a happy mood sometimes I presented myself in sort of a mopey way just because of my body language. It's something I'm making effort to be aware of and correct. Point is, you're never going to know until you ask someone and the answers might surprise you.

There are 2 reasons. Yes one is fear. Fear of change. However if i make it impossible to turn back (im not sure how this is even possible in some cases, though) in a way id be relieved to have no choice but to go forward and replace what ive cut off. In fact, the idea of that is quite exciting.

The other reason is that if i cut out people and certain things completely, maybe id go a little bit crazy (ie not having anyone to talk to), although i know it would only be for a while. But im a bit mad anyway so i guess id feel right at home. Its just a minor concern, thats all. If it works out (as long as i know it will) then im not that bothered.

Spend 80% of your time around people that have achieved, or are in the process of achieving the outcomes you desire. Read, listen, and watch to everything you can get your hands on that conveys the message that anything is possible.

Avoid people, places, and things that drain you of your energy and spirit.

Before long, like a chameleon you will take on the shape and color of all the positive things you have surrounded yourself with. You'll find yourself walking, talking, and thinking like a success. Wherever the head goes, the body follows.

Your new mindset and outlook will become as much a habit and as much a part of you as the old habits and old mindset was. It will no longer require a conscious effort to be the new you, as it will be as familiar as an old pair of shoes.

Excellent advice, POKR. :urock:

I think that it takes one of two things to get people motivated to do something :

Extreme fear (of the consequences of not taking action) which overrides any pain associated with the challenges involved

Or, being desenitised to the price that one has to pay to get what they want, and having positive associations with summoning up the necessary qualities. Either by having positive experiences related to whatever needs doing, or by having positive influences.

I would suggest if you want a Mentor, to google the word mentors. You will come up with lots of organizations that offer mentoring. Some will charge fees for it, but it could be worth it - depending on how badly you want a mentor.... Just a thought.

Motivation isnt a course of action. Its a feeling. Thats why some people do what they wish to be doing, and others dont, because they havent got that feeling, even if they really desire something. All the practical advice in the world by itself is meaningless if youre just not feeling it. Otherwise, id be a total success based just on the fact that ive heard lots of good advice in my time. People ultimately do whatever they do based on how they feel. Thats what it comes down to. Motivation is how you feel, not what you do. Anyone can "just do it", life isnt really that hard on a practical level when you think about it. Everything from filling out a form to creating a business empire is an absolute piece of cake and thats why the world has always been full of successful people doing many great things. Its easy, all of it, once you break it down. Whats hard is trying to do things when youre not motivated. If you cant swim and youre thrown in a river, trust me, youll learn in an instant, thats how doable everything is. Lifes easy, way too easy. But without motivation its a nightmare and increasingly impossible.

I can motivate myself pretty well and i do alright, but there always comes a point where i temporarily quit, and its frustrating to watch myself do that, as i know my potential. So, i want to know how to surround myself with people who will be a good influence on me. This alone will help more more than anything else. The purpose of this thread is to show you a message which ive been sending to people, so consider it as if im sending it to you too, and give me your thoughs. Im doing this because i want to help myself. Dont just give me encouragement, lets hear some solid advice, something real which can help me.

Hi Leafar :wave:

You said a mouthful here just in these two paragraphs. I'd give anything to have more motivation and you're right, no matter what anyone says or what personal development tapes I listen to, it will not make a difference.

My motivation usually comes after I've procrastinated long enough and I have no choice but to be motivated but that only works for certain things.

In the last few months I've surrounded myself with like-minded people. People who are positive and successful in one way or another. Has that given me more motivation? Well, kind of. I'm still working on it but it has improved.

Your title is "help me to help myself" you're already on the right path but there is truly only one person that can help you and thats you!

Sorry for not having solid advice but It may help you to know that you're not alone.

Well at least people on here are acknowledging that i make an important point when talking about the influence of friends. Out of the 10-15 or so people who have replied to that email (out of approx 300 that ive sent out so far), most of them have just said get on with it, etc and that does nothing at all. I find it amazing how few people get what ive been saying, and how important it is. Thats why i went into so much detail, to really get the point across.

I am going to go out a bit on a limb here because I am in network marketing and this may seem self serving but don't take my advice, take it from Donald Trump, Jim Rohn, Brian Tracey and Robert Kiyosaki. OK!

Join a network Marketing company.

Find a group of people that are winning, selling a great product, teaching their teams how to be successful and befriend them. Do what they do, say what they say and be coachable. NM is a rich environment of training at very low costs of ownership that has a potential of large payback but even if you never achieve the top of the pay plan, you learn true business and sales lessons. Network Marketing, if nothing more will teach you principles of business ownership and its the easiest way to enter into the "B" quadrant.

Another Idea is take a real Estate License Class. Even if you Never want to become a Real Estate Agent. There are Business people in those rooms. Take a finance class, learn about money.

Participate more in this online forum. Ask questions, offer ideas, get phone numbers, call people, interact.

I find it amazing how few people get what ive been saying, and how important it is. Thats why i went into so much detail, to really get the point across.

Leafar,

What conclusions can you draw from this experience with the long email and the few replies it generated?

Consider the possibility that your message was lost in your delivery. If you sent the email to 300 people and got 15 replies, it is not simply that 275 people don't get what you are saying, but it is more a matter of you not understanding how to effectively communicate with those 275 people.


Case in point: after you posted this thread, it did not generate any replies until I read it and summed it up in one sentence, "he wants to know how to make friends". Only then did it get a response from others.

Lesson to take away from this: sometimes less is more.

The were 3 reasons why i made it so long. One, because i figured that if the person reading it sees my problem the same way i do, theyll have the patience to go through the whole of it. Two, i wanted to give as much relevant information as possible so that i wouldnt get replies like, for example, "you should just motivate yourself" by making it clear that, in this example, im not after people to hold my hand, just to influence me. Because i know that many people will misunderstand what im after.

Three, i just love writing. But yes youre right, so ive shortened it. I just wanted to avoid having to get into a long dialogue before the other person understands what im asking for.

lots of people will love to find reasons for you to fail, because they have failed. success comes from within yourself, not from anyone else

I know. Thats why i want to get in with a good crowd of people.

So what actions have you taken towards meeting new people?
The email idea is nice but thats also safe.
You have had lots of time. Do tell us what you have found.

Well, its something that ive only recently started thinking about.

Ive emailed my message to about 400 people, and i have a "friend" who calls me often and ive been ignoring his calls (he puts me down and hes not good for me, although hes very entertaining). In the last few days ive been trying to surround myself with anything to do with success, ie listening to motivational audio and reading a newspaper for creative people. I just want to be surrounded with the right images and ideas. Today i was watching an award ceremony for successful authors (which would normally bore me) and kept reminding myself that everyone there was successful. Ive tried many things to motivate myself, and i usually do quite well, but it doesnt last long, so i think my next step is to associate myself with images of success and build up a good vibe.

Ive also made a list of things to do everyday, very small things, just to keep me going in the right direction, like doing a bit of exercise, affirmations, unplugging my phone at certain times to avoid phonecalls from foolish people, eating better, changing my posture, a whole bunch of things. But i dont want to make these challenges too ambitious, because when i did that last year i found myself running around fulfilling things on my list, but although i did pretty well, the motivation fizzled away after a few months. So im keeping it very small and easy this time. Im working on the basis that a little effort can lead naturally to more things, rather than forcing myself.

Im thinking that if i want to attract the right sort of people, ive got to make efforts to be like them (ie law of attraction), otherwise i would feel overwhelmed if i met them.

Does anyone know how i can put this thread in another section? I havent been getting much feedback lately so maybe it belongs elsewhere.