i feel completely lost and can not focus

[Auswithspirit]

I am supposed to be working right now and processing data and i can not .
I am at a complete loss and cant seem to shake myself out of it , i have gone for a run and tried a work out but my mind is caught
I was notified a good friend of mines son hung himself, a nicer friendly's kid you could never meet.
The father owns and runs a mechanics business were he and his son worked and often talked to me how he was going to pass it down...listening to him on the phone just busted me ..
Sorry i figured if i shared this might some how get me moving again ..
Im not angry im just in shock , hes the last person i would expect and i just wished he would have opened up

[Scooter]

That sucks Aus. Sometimes life deals us some pretty crazy sh!t. I don't know what to say but keep doing what your doing and feel the shock. You knew this person and you will have to just feel it. Sometimes when I get slammed with something so tragic or painful I have to just sit (meditate) and feel it for awhile and let the body process.

I know it isn't much but I am sending a hug your way.

[KahunaGrande]

X2 what Scoot says Brooke, very sorry to hear that. Please know that you and your mate are in our prayers.

[angelbabee1971]

Hi Aus,

I'm sorry you are feeling this ... like scoot says, just let yourself do what you need to do ... is your friend close enough to visit? ... maybe being around him/them may help you both to process?

Ali

[Auswithspirit]

Originally Posted by Scooter

That sucks Aus. Sometimes life deals us some pretty crazy sh!t. I don't know what to say but keep doing what your doing and feel the shock. You knew this person and you will have to just feel it. Sometimes when I get slammed with something so tragic or painful I have to just sit (meditate) and feel it for awhile and let the body process.

I know it isn't much but I am sending a hug your way.

Originally Posted by KahunaGrande

X2 what Scoot says Brooke, very sorry to hear that. Please know that you and your mate are in our prayers.

Originally Posted by angelbabee1971

Hi Aus,

I'm sorry you are feeling this ... like scoot says, just let yourself do what you need to do ... is your friend close enough to visit? ... maybe being around him/them may help you both to process?

Ali

Thanks guys, Ali i have offered a catch up but i think he needs his own space, funny when i was losing it last year , and drinking because of all that was going wrong he pulled me aside and told he his story and how he straightened up....im hopeing he is avoiding drinking because he would be one wild man to calm down and he has so much to lose..

I think the hardest part i am struggling with is the understanding, he was such a great kid with such a positive attitude and smile ...such a waste he had so much to live for

[David]

Originally Posted by Scooter

That sucks Aus. Sometimes life deals us some pretty crazy sh!t. I don't know what to say but keep doing what your doing and feel the shock. You knew this person and you will have to just feel it. Sometimes when I get slammed with something so tragic or painful I have to just sit (meditate) and feel it for awhile and let the body process.

I know it isn't much but I am sending a hug your way.

Smart!

[mleighp1]

Well i know I posted on your FB status about this already, but I'm still thinking about this. I know that you are really grappling with trying to make sense of it. You mentioned that he was a very happy go lucky person. I have heard this about other people who committed suicide too. Clearly you can never really know what is going on in a person's head. I really don't think you will ever have the answers you seek. It just doesn't make sense.

[Cat Lover]

I am so sorry to hear about this Aus. I just learned a family friend's son hung himself this past weekend as well. Suicide is awful for the survivors, the family and friends who are left behind. The loss creates images in our minds, that are hard to fathom. For the depressed person, it seems like a way out. If they only knew, that at those moments when they didn't think life was going to get any better, it would have. It doesn't matter how many times we fall down, what counts is how many times we get back up.

There is nothing you could have done, Aus. He chose not to reach out, he chose not to feel better. In the limited capacity of his depression, he was not able to see how many people around him really cared about him, or that he did have other choices. Depression can make people feel like their lives have spiraled out of control. They don't understand they are the ones in control of their moods and it is up to them to change how they are thinking. I think depression is even more serious than cancer, in my opinion. It is more prevalent and just as deadly. Aus, you know how hard your struggles have been in life. This boy, didn't have the same wisdom as you, nor your inner strength to face his problems.

I know the pain you feel can't possibly be overcome with some simple words on a screen, in times like this. Just know that there is nothing you could have done. You are a good friend, and I am sure you will be there for his father, when he needs you. There is nothing more that can be done for this boy, but you can help his family through this horrible ordeal, by being there for them. I know you will be. We in turn, can be there for you when you need to vent and release. I feel for you, Aus. You are in my thoughts and prayers as are this boy's family and friends....

[PhilipOnFire]

Originally Posted by Auswithspirit

Thanks guys, Ali i have offered a catch up but i think he needs his own space, funny when i was losing it last year , and drinking because of all that was going wrong he pulled me aside and told he his story and how he straightened up....im hopeing he is avoiding drinking because he would be one wild man to calm down and he has so much to lose..

I think the hardest part i am struggling with is the understanding, he was such a great kid with such a positive attitude and smile ...such a waste he had so much to live for

now might be a great time to listen between the lines.

maybe he needs a friend to just turn up and sit with him. make a cup of tea.
share stories of the good things.
Aus you know how important focus is.
go help your friend focus on the good and not on the sad.

what is the worst that can happen? he can tell you to go home.

but do not have even one drink with him.
that would do neither one of you a favour.

love n hugs

Philip

can I remind you of a phone call we had a loooong time ago.

pay it forward.

[Auswithspirit]

As i do not really have the time to respond to all the responses i have had here this morning as i have to go to work, i will respond to them when i get home tonight, but i felt i should share my experiences last night.
Cat touch's on a very good point and one i think subliminal i was struggling with, that i have gone through many battle's in my life were as ashamed as i am to say i thought of this option but didn't choose it and all i can think of is its due to the council i keep within me and the council i keep of the good quality friends i have here. I have learned to speak out to look for options and as i may not always have taken them i have always come up with an alternative.
Last night i did struggle with this the worst, i just could not sleep, as Mer said the problem i had was this made no sense, not with this kid it just wasn't right.
SO i sat up in bed and just made myself relax and go though the process, which took about an hour .. cleared my mind and allowed what ever to enter to just flow ...
it kinda went like this ...

Some times in life things happen that make no sense and you just have to flow with it , looking for the answer is not the way looking for a cure is

Grieving for the family , the sadness of that which has effected and consumed them and as with me the answers they have that will never be answered..the effect it will have on them as a whole and my part in helping them..

Anger...Not at Ian for what he has done , but the society we live in were a young man chooses to take this option rather than talk and heal, a society where a young man thinks its MANLY to take this option rather than discuss his problems openly and work through them with help and support...

Forgiveness... being open to the fact others are not like me and that depression does hit some harder than others, his choices are at the end of the day his choices and i have no right to question them as i can not do anything now to help anyways. pick up the pieces and move forward..Accept that he believed he made the right decision with the information he had on hand for him

Peace ...with the fact that what is done is done...right or wrong he had his reasons and he chose them, i i can not do anything to help him now but maybe able to help others in future, and i can help the ones he left behind.
Help the family with there transitions forward

From this i managed to get straight off to sleep with no problems and i seem to be dealing with it a lot better today < thanks Scoot


thanks everyone

[Corinne Friesen]

Luv & hugs, Auz.

[Batman]

Originally Posted by Auswithspirit

I think the hardest part i am struggling with is the understanding, he was such a great kid with such a positive attitude and smile ...such a waste he had so much to live for

Maybe someone (God) needed him more.

[GR8FL2BME]

It's good to read that you were able to use meditation to help yourself so that you could get some rest. Situations like this are painful and confusing; they jar our sense of order and "the way things are supposed to be."

Just remember that your friend is going to need you in the coming weeks and months...if you center your own mind, body, and spirit in love and gratitude, you will be able to reach out to your friend and be a force for good in his life when he needs it most.

[Auswithspirit]

Originally Posted by angelbabee1971

Hi Aus,

I'm sorry you are feeling this ... like scoot says, just let yourself do what you need to do ... is your friend close enough to visit? ... maybe being around him/them may help you both to process?

Ali

Ali when ya get a chance i would like to talk to you about how i get invloved in trying to stop this stuff from happening in teens and young people...
Is there a group ? some thing i can do hands on ?

[mleighp1]

Originally Posted by Auswithspirit

Ali when ya get a chance i would like to talk to you about how i get invloved in trying to stop this stuff from happening in teens and young people...
Is there a group ? some thing i can do hands on ?

What a great idea, Aus. You have such a giving and loving soul full of passion and a desire to make a difference in the world. I really like that about you.

[SophiaG]

What about helping with a suicide hotline?

Or..a suicide awareness group that spreads information on how to help those that exhibit symptoms of depression?

Btw I'm sorry this happened :l

*hug*

[Auswithspirit]

Originally Posted by mleighp1

What a great idea, Aus. You have such a giving and loving soul full of passion and a desire to make a difference in the world. I really like that about you.

Thanks Mer , ive worked out one of my problems that stems from my youth. When ever i saw a problem i USED to get frustrated and would end up in a fight , i seem to like to fix things i don't see as being right, now i fix them in non physical ways by taking an active role in it . i agree with the saying it takes a village to raise a child , but i believe it takes and active village for this to work, so stop complaining about the outside world and have an active role in how it is.

Originally Posted by SophiaG

What about helping with a suicide hotline?

Or..a suicide awareness group that spreads information on how to help those that exhibit symptoms of depression?

Btw I'm sorry this happened :l

*hug*

Thanks Sophia, i was thinking more along the lines with working with young people and there beliefs of what it is to become a an adult. In Australia there is so much pressure on young men to solve all there own problems and not complain it truly is ridiculous, and considering the divorce rate in our country, it is not unusual for a kid to grow with out a father figure, so his future and choices are curved by hear say, or television..
There is far to much stress on the youth and there needs to be someone they can turn to, im not perfect, to be honest i am miles from it, but i know the basic diffrence between right and wrong and i have the grit to make sure i make a diffrence

[SophiaG]

So you're looking to do more of like a mentorship sort of thing?

[Auswithspirit]

Originally Posted by SophiaG

So you're looking to do more of like a mentorship sort of thing?

i guess im still working it out in my own head , im not sure whats needed yet out there i just know it aint working and im prepared to help
The attitude here i guess that annoys me the most in people is when aproached b a young person with there problem, the first response is always " ive got enough problems sort it out" i dont know if thats to deny accountability if it goes wrong , but its the wrong response, and if nothing changes in this generation then we are doomed to repeat it in the next

[GR8FL2BME]

Originally Posted by Auswithspirit

...i was thinking more along the lines with working with young people and there beliefs of what it is to become an adult.

Interesting perspective, Aus. Sometimes kids just need to be able to feel safe talking about things that are happening in their lives. Just 24 hours ago, my girls found out that their best friend has fallen pregnant at the age of 17. The opportunity came up for me to take the kids all out to dinner this evening (the pregnant girl & her boyfriend, my 2 girls, and another friend of theirs...) When I first found out that the girl was pregnant, I was annoyed because I could just see a drama-filled 9 months coming our way. But when we all sat down to eat, she shared how she spent her day at the social services agencies finding out what she would quality for, and she's being really practical about the whole thing. Something came over me, and I thought, "this is a young girl, but she's going through something that I went through (pregnancy, but I was age 28), and maybe I can offer her some advice and just listen." So I told her about my experience with being very tired during the first 3 months, I asked her which doctor's office she planned to use, and found out it was the same as mine, so I told her about a great nurse midwife that I just met there last month. I could tell that she was grateful to have a grown-up who didn't belittle her because she had gotten pregnant at such a young age. She is finished with high school as of last month, so that's a blessing.

Aus, you have lots of good things to offer young people, because you have such a good and kind heart but you have been through some heavy stuff in your life. You are awesome!